Ho boy, what an almost completely awful week! Some really, really, poor song choices this week. But that's kind of to be expected ... these kids (for the most part) are just starting out.
Here's how they hit me:
Kris Allen (Ain’t No Sunshine) - 10 out of 10. One of my all-time favorite songs, sung beautifully ... those little chipmunk faces he makes! And who knew Kris could tickle the ivories? Cutie-patootie! I'll buy it off iTunes.
Adam Lambert (Play That Funky Music) - 10 out of 10. Just plain terrific. It's almost not fair Adam's in this competition. I'll buy it off iTunes.
Danny Gokey (What Hurts the Most) - 9 out of 10. Mom's visiting (one reason I've not been 'putering much) and laughed out loud at me when she saw how crazy I am for Danny. As soon as he opens his mouth I get all melty inside. I was iffy when I heard his song choice ... I think it's very nearly impossible to sing a Rascal Flatts song, but Danny pulled it off. I'll buy it off iTunes.
Scott McIntyre (Just the Way You Are) - 9 out of 10. Scott did what I've been waiting for and gave me a little peek at his soul. Loved it! I'll buy it off iTunes.
Anoop Desai (Caught Up) - 8 out of 10. I've never heard the song, so am basing this solely on Anoop's performance, and I liked it. He got a bit pitchy, and I'm sure I'm dropping him points because I had no frame of reference, but I still love his vocals and his showmanship.
Allison Iraheta (Don’t Speak) - 8 out of 10. This is my favorite performance of Allison's. I really liked what she did with it, and totally "got" her outrageous getup.
Matt Giroud (You Found Me) - 7 out of 10. I like me some Fray, but never would have picked this song for Matt (I'd love to hear his take on James Morrison's "Wonderful World"). This was not up to Matt's standard, but did get better as it went along. Started out very, very pitchy, though.
Lil Rounds (I Surrender) - 6 out of 10. I want to like Lil ... I love her voice, but she's been boring. Celine definitely had her heyday, but she's been out of the picture for what, like a decade? Which is a hundred years in pop-culture-land. Poor song choice. Too bad, really, because Lil did a decent job of it, but Celine is kind of the only one who can sing Celine, if you see my point.
Megan Joy (Turn Your Lights Down Low) - 4 out of 10. Just plain awful. Crap. I've gone off Megan completely. She destroyed the song (and not in a good way). Just a bad choice for her warbly style.
Now, I taped the show so ended up watching the performances last night, right before the vote-off, so I was on tenterhooks when Ryan messed with Matt (bad Ryan, bad, bad Ryan!) ... then got to breathe a hefty sigh of relief. Totally loved the byplay among the group, very fun and refreshing. I'm now wishing we saw more of their "downtime".
Anyway, what was the deal with Megan's shenanigans last night? Someone close needed to tell her what a horses ass she was making of herself. Too bad, really, that viewers have that behavior as a final impression. Does she realize she made a mockery of her experience on AI?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
You, Ma'am, are a Friggin' Pig!
Today I about lost my mind. What is the deal with these women, and I use that term loosely, veeeeeery loosely, who treat the (shared) restroom at work as though it's their own personal diorama of filth? I mean really! How hard is it to clean up after yourself?!?!
I have actually had to send an e-mail to all female members of the plant twice (twice!) explaining the general concept of be-nice-to-your-sisters in this area ... and there are only nine of us!
Twice, people! Not once, oh no! Two! Entirely! Separate! Times! Here's the e-mail I had to send last time (it embarrasses me to even have to admit it):
After having received, once again, a number of complaints about the condition of the 5th floor North ladies room, I feel the need to reiterate our general rules:
Wow. Pretty rough set of rules, no? How ever will people live up to expectation? I actually shudder to think what these "ladies" bathrooms at home look like. Either they are ineffable filth jockeys, they think they're better than their peers, or they simply disdain those who clean up after them ... or some combination of the three.
This afternon was particularly bad. Once again I walked into a palpable wall of stench that fair knocked me on my ass before I could snap on the light/fan and execute an abrupt about-face to get the hell out of there (once it gets in your nose you're done for). I came thisclose to bellowing down the hall, "There's a fan in here for a reason, people!"
And that's the tamest example of the pit that has become our restroom. It generally looks like it's been stormed by a troop of howler monkeys fighting for supremacy with a family of rabid raccoons. Why can't you assholes clean up after yourselves? Sigh. I hate everybody.
I have actually had to send an e-mail to all female members of the plant twice (twice!) explaining the general concept of be-nice-to-your-sisters in this area ... and there are only nine of us!
Twice, people! Not once, oh no! Two! Entirely! Separate! Times! Here's the e-mail I had to send last time (it embarrasses me to even have to admit it):
After having received, once again, a number of complaints about the condition of the 5th floor North ladies room, I feel the need to reiterate our general rules:
- Pick up after yourself: this includes tissue, trash, or paper on the floor.
- Wipe up after yourself: this includes splashes, hair, makeup, or soap around the sink and mirror.
- If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.
- When you use the last Kleenex: 1) throw the empty box away, and 2) get a new box from the outer room to set on the set of drawers in the inner room.
- When using the plant-provided feminine items in the drawers, close the drawer completely and throw the wrapper away … if you use the last item in the drawer, restock from the boxes in the outer room … if there are none left in the outer room, let me know so I can order additional supplies.
- If necessary, leave the light on and fan running when you exit the Ladies Room.
- Treat this shared space as though you are the next person who will be using it.
Wow. Pretty rough set of rules, no? How ever will people live up to expectation? I actually shudder to think what these "ladies" bathrooms at home look like. Either they are ineffable filth jockeys, they think they're better than their peers, or they simply disdain those who clean up after them ... or some combination of the three.
This afternon was particularly bad. Once again I walked into a palpable wall of stench that fair knocked me on my ass before I could snap on the light/fan and execute an abrupt about-face to get the hell out of there (once it gets in your nose you're done for). I came thisclose to bellowing down the hall, "There's a fan in here for a reason, people!"
And that's the tamest example of the pit that has become our restroom. It generally looks like it's been stormed by a troop of howler monkeys fighting for supremacy with a family of rabid raccoons. Why can't you assholes clean up after yourselves? Sigh. I hate everybody.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
American Idol: Top 9, Music of Motown Week
One of my favorite music genre’s! Here’s how tonight’s performances shake out for me (not overall standings, mind you, just tonight’s):
Matt Giroud (Let’s Get it On) – 10 out of 10. I like Matt without the piano, too! I didn’t expect that. As a quick aside, I’m simply in awe of his piano skills … did you know he doesn’t read music? He’s a baby savant! And so cute and sexy and BAM!, that Voice. Yummy. Gonna iTune it.
Adam Lambert (Tracks of My Tears) – 10 out of 10. I know, right? Shocking! Loved the get-up and the set-up. The song selection was right up Adam’s vocal alley (what isn’t, really?). The sonuvagun nailed it. Adam just said, “Suck it, detractors!” with panache. Gonna iTune it.
Danny Gokey (Get Ready) – 9 out of 10. Like buttah. Okay, Danny gave me my asked-for frippery … now, back to that voodoo that he do so well. Brought it! Again! Baby! And there is something so endearing about his being such a big, gawky, goofball onstage, no? I make no excuses, Danny just does it for me. Gonna iTune it.
Anoop Desai (Ooh, Baby Baby) – (9 out of 10). I like it! Anoop staged a big comeback last week, and has just solidified it with this performance … and did you see how he sang directly to me? Lovely. Gonna iTune it.
Kris Allen (How Sweet it is) – (8 out of 10). Solid job. Not the best song to show off Kris’ skills, but he definitely did it justice. Sweet, sweet, vocals. Gonna iTune it.
Allison Iraheta (Papa Was a Rolling Stone) – (8 out of 10). She has such an awesome voice, so why doesn’t she appeal to me? This makes me crazy! I so want to like Allison, even love her, especially with Megan’s slow, boring, fizzle … but it’s like Yukon Cornelius would say; “Nuthin!” (Or was that, “Bumbles bounce!”? Anyway, that said, tonight’s performance was terrific! Gotcha, didn’t I?
Michael Sarver (Ain’t too Proud to Beg) – (7 out of 10). One of my all-time favorite songs; it was very difficult for me not to sing along so I could actually hear Michael (okay, I admit it … I had to rewind it). It was better than okay, but not knock-my-socks-off. My problem is that I’ve heard so many better versions than this, I’m probably not being fair in my assessment of Michael. Hence, it was just better than okay; not ground-breaking or get-out-of-my-seat-and-move. Then I remember, Michael’s had the flu all week! Well, hell … then he rocked this puppy!
Lil Rounds (Heatwave) – (7 out of 10). So has the chops! So chose the wrong song! This one is better for a group and didn’t allow Lil to showcase her mad vocal skills. It also seemed the fast pace got away from Lil at times, until she was able to reign it in, at which time she soared. I would have loved to have heard Lil sing Diana Ross’ “Reflections” … wouldn’t that have been awesome? Oh yeah, she'd have slayed that.
Scott McIntyre (You Can’t Hurry Love) – (6 out of 10). Slowed it way down to a ballad right out of the gate, then popped into it. I found myself wishing Scott had kept the slower pace and made the song his own. I think his vocals would have been well-suited to it. I would have liked to have seen what he could have done with that. In any case, I think what he wanted to do here was a little beyond his capabilities, so it was not great, and even a bit off-pitch at times.
Megan Joy (For Once in My Life) – (4 out of 10). Hugely, hugely, hugely disappointed with Megan’s song choice, which resulted in this wretched, horrible, screeching mess. I liked it that she changed it up a bit and actually moved around the stage, but Miss Megan is beginning to irritate my canker. She doesn’t take any chances and all the songs have the same hear-it-in-a-jukebox style. But that place where she accidentally yodeled was good snortworthy fun. In a nutshell, Megan is not living up to my expectations, and I’m, done with waiting.
I'm really thinking Megan will be saying goodbye tomorrow night. In fact, if it's anyone else I'll be surprised.
Matt Giroud (Let’s Get it On) – 10 out of 10. I like Matt without the piano, too! I didn’t expect that. As a quick aside, I’m simply in awe of his piano skills … did you know he doesn’t read music? He’s a baby savant! And so cute and sexy and BAM!, that Voice. Yummy. Gonna iTune it.
Adam Lambert (Tracks of My Tears) – 10 out of 10. I know, right? Shocking! Loved the get-up and the set-up. The song selection was right up Adam’s vocal alley (what isn’t, really?). The sonuvagun nailed it. Adam just said, “Suck it, detractors!” with panache. Gonna iTune it.
Danny Gokey (Get Ready) – 9 out of 10. Like buttah. Okay, Danny gave me my asked-for frippery … now, back to that voodoo that he do so well. Brought it! Again! Baby! And there is something so endearing about his being such a big, gawky, goofball onstage, no? I make no excuses, Danny just does it for me. Gonna iTune it.
Anoop Desai (Ooh, Baby Baby) – (9 out of 10). I like it! Anoop staged a big comeback last week, and has just solidified it with this performance … and did you see how he sang directly to me? Lovely. Gonna iTune it.
Kris Allen (How Sweet it is) – (8 out of 10). Solid job. Not the best song to show off Kris’ skills, but he definitely did it justice. Sweet, sweet, vocals. Gonna iTune it.
Allison Iraheta (Papa Was a Rolling Stone) – (8 out of 10). She has such an awesome voice, so why doesn’t she appeal to me? This makes me crazy! I so want to like Allison, even love her, especially with Megan’s slow, boring, fizzle … but it’s like Yukon Cornelius would say; “Nuthin!” (Or was that, “Bumbles bounce!”? Anyway, that said, tonight’s performance was terrific! Gotcha, didn’t I?
Michael Sarver (Ain’t too Proud to Beg) – (7 out of 10). One of my all-time favorite songs; it was very difficult for me not to sing along so I could actually hear Michael (okay, I admit it … I had to rewind it). It was better than okay, but not knock-my-socks-off. My problem is that I’ve heard so many better versions than this, I’m probably not being fair in my assessment of Michael. Hence, it was just better than okay; not ground-breaking or get-out-of-my-seat-and-move. Then I remember, Michael’s had the flu all week! Well, hell … then he rocked this puppy!
Lil Rounds (Heatwave) – (7 out of 10). So has the chops! So chose the wrong song! This one is better for a group and didn’t allow Lil to showcase her mad vocal skills. It also seemed the fast pace got away from Lil at times, until she was able to reign it in, at which time she soared. I would have loved to have heard Lil sing Diana Ross’ “Reflections” … wouldn’t that have been awesome? Oh yeah, she'd have slayed that.
Scott McIntyre (You Can’t Hurry Love) – (6 out of 10). Slowed it way down to a ballad right out of the gate, then popped into it. I found myself wishing Scott had kept the slower pace and made the song his own. I think his vocals would have been well-suited to it. I would have liked to have seen what he could have done with that. In any case, I think what he wanted to do here was a little beyond his capabilities, so it was not great, and even a bit off-pitch at times.
Megan Joy (For Once in My Life) – (4 out of 10). Hugely, hugely, hugely disappointed with Megan’s song choice, which resulted in this wretched, horrible, screeching mess. I liked it that she changed it up a bit and actually moved around the stage, but Miss Megan is beginning to irritate my canker. She doesn’t take any chances and all the songs have the same hear-it-in-a-jukebox style. But that place where she accidentally yodeled was good snortworthy fun. In a nutshell, Megan is not living up to my expectations, and I’m, done with waiting.
I'm really thinking Megan will be saying goodbye tomorrow night. In fact, if it's anyone else I'll be surprised.
Monday, March 23, 2009
You Say "Meme" ...
I snicked this off byrneunit: Pick 15 of your favorite movies, then go to www.imdb.com and find a quote from each. Post the quotes for everyone to guess.
No Googling, using IMDb search, or any other search functions!
- "Oi sir, what are you doing?"
"Uh... trudging. You know, trudging? To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on."
"Uhhh... were you robbed?"
"Funny really, yes, but at the same time a huge resounding no. It's more of an … involuntary vow of poverty … really." - "We'll I'm gonna be wearing some fashionable Kevlar."
"Yeah, me too." - "How can I trust a man who won't eat a good old-fashioned American hotdog?"
"He's a vegetarian." - "There's a girl in the garden."
"What?"
"In the garden, there is a girl." - "What's wrong with you? What you screamin' for? Every 5 minutes there's somethin', a bomb or somethin'. I'm leavin'. bzzzz."
- "We’re gonna need a bigger boat."
- "She'll be back. Where else is she gonna find a guy like you?"
"I don't know. Chernobyl?" - "If I can't have you, can I have my gator?"
- "That was a hell of a thing."
- "I got to tell you, I give this whole thing a sphincter-factor of about nine point five."
- "He's too beautiful. He's too much twisted steel and sex appeal. I can't be with a guy that looks like I won him in a raffle."
- "Now have yourselves checked out with EMS on the other side of the hill before you leave."
- "Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now."
- "Are you taking me to a hospital? Because I don't want to die in a hospital."
"I'm not going to take you to a hospital."
"WHAT? What do you mean you're not taking me to a hospital? I demand to be taken to a hospital!" - "Snag it!"
"Snag it?"
"Yeah. Come on, snag it and put it in the bucket."
"I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. YOU snag it!"
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I Got Your Number, Caprefoli
Not being a morning person … at all … I need all the help I can get to arrive at work every day in as human-being a mood as possible. If it were up to me an 8-hour workday would include travel time, four weeks vacation a year would be mandatory, and there’d be a mid-week break.
I first discovered the sunshine-shot-to-the-soul benefits of a great morning radio show when I lived in northern NJ and listened to the “Big Show” on 95.5 WPLJ out of NYC, featuring Scott Shannon and Todd Pettengill. Wow. They were terrific. They were my wake-up call for six years.
It’s not the music, you understand, it’s the camaraderie. It’s the joy of witnessing one entertaining conversation after another without having to contribute a darn thing. What a rush! And all the funny little bits … Todd’s prank calls to the friends and families of listeners who are in on the set-up, their merciless teasing of the affable Joe Nolan, Friday morning weekend blast-offs (Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake your body line! Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake it all the time!). All good, clean, fun requiring absolutely no brain-cell usage ... mmmmm, chocolate.
So when I moved to RI it was only to suffer through a year of morning radio show withdrawal doldrums. Oh, don’t get me wrong; Providence has plenty of stations, all doing their thing but, really … you try going from major market NY to a smaller market and tell me there’s no letdown. But I survived, and moved to MO where, I’m almost ashamed to admit, it took two tries and four years to find my new morning radio program love … the Johnny Dare Morning Show on 98.9 KQRC.
Upon arrival in the Kansas City area friends told me to give it a listen, and I hated, hated, hated it! This guy was an asinine, oafish, unfunny, callous, misogynistic tool … on his best days. I spent the next two years skipping all over the dial until I found a morning program I could live with (Afentra’s Big Fat Morning Buzz on 96.5 KBRZ), which suited well for two years, then flatlined.
Out of shear desperation I tuned into Johnny Dare again, and a crazy thing happened … I liked it! He still has beleaguered boss/pal Bob Edwards, dum-dum baby sidekick T-Bone, musical parody genius (and long-time best bud and alarm clock) Federation of Horsepower’s Gregg Todt, longest term temp at a radio station and funniest judgmentally repressed woman in rock ‘n roll ever Carrie Coogan … and a new guy who, it turns out, is actually returned old guy Jake the Phone Snake, who spent two minutes in Anchorman and is the voice of reason on many occasions … not to mention "Sports in Your Shorts" own Leif Lisec, unpaid, unsung hero of a best sports guy ever… and Barger, unofficial mascot and Johnny’s canine son who comes to work daily and has been known to insert his vociferous two cents.
That second time around is when I discovered the shocking fact that Johnny Dare … is so money! This time I get it. He’s labeled a shock jock, but not so much. He’s a Harley riding, long-haired, socially conscious, easy going, down with his feminine side, live-and-let-live kind of guy who truly enjoys life.
Oh, he still does childish stunts, such as the Wheel of Misfortune, which is exactly what it sounds like: listeners come into the studio and spin the wheel for various prizes and/or misfortunes, such as having T-Bone feed them like a baby bird, or shaving off an eyebrow, or having a sledgehammer taken to their vehicle, all for the chance of another spin and/or prize (generally concert tickets or a key to the Harley Giveaway).
And FMK, which has listeners call in and decide who, from a list of three candidates, they’d eff, marry, and kill … if they match two of the Morning Show crew they win the prize in question (generally tickets). There’s the on-again Easter Keg Hunt, where teams of hunters search the Kansas City area in a full-on city-wide scavenger hunt for said keg (great fun to listen to on the radio). But he also does a number of very awesome things, for which he does not blow his own horn, which makes it all the better:
Bikers for Babies http://www.marchofdimeskc.org/: the March of Dimes annual Kansas City motorcycle ride (2009 will be the fifteenth year), which raised $630,000 last year, once again the highest individual ride tally in the nation, with hundreds of participants, all on motorcycles of some kind, tooling along the parade route. To date the Kansas City ride has raised more than $3.7 million for the March of Dimes.
Hope for the Holidays (it’s not a hand-out, it’s a hand-up): where listeners, many simply overlooked by conventional organizations, from Thanksgiving through Christmas either write or call in with their needs, and Johnny gets it on-air, then calls the petitioner for more specifics, and puts them together with other listeners who call in to help brighten their holidays.
You can tell how much it hurts to have to ask for help, and how much it heals to do the helping. There are many years where a contributor was a past recipient and, sadly, the other way ‘round. The amazing thing? Within minutes, minutes, what is needed has been found as the phone lines light up with listeners who want to help.
Overdue utilities are made current, toys and clothing are delivered for children, pantries are filled and food is put on the table. Building supplies are donated, as well as time and expertise to get the job done. Car payments are made, new tires are installed and balanced, and up to three month funds are set up so the bread-winners can get much-needed surgeries without worrying they’ll lose everything while in recovery.
This is something really and truly special in and of itself, but the most wonderful thing about it is that they always, always exceed their goals. Always.
Harley Giveaways, where, if you’re a Rockaholic, you also win the kickass car. This year the Harley is a brand new 2009 black Street Glide with a 96-inch motor and a radio/CD player built in, and the car is a brand new 2009 black Mustang GT 5-speed 315hp V-8.
Rockfest (15 bands, 2 stages, 1 day): the largest one-day rock concert in North America … last year we had STP, Saving Abel, Rev Theory, Shinedown, Theory of a Dead Man, Saliva, Chevelle, Trapt, Another Animal, and Red Line Chemistry, among others. And the water is free (can’t dehydrate the loyal listeners, now can we?). For $30. Or $19.98 if you were a Rockaholic. Hah! I can’t wait to see who we’ll have this summer.
What’s a Rockaholic? That’s a member of the club that gets first dibs on concert tickets, cheaper than every else, gets the car as well as the bike if s/he wins the giveaway, and receives regular e-mails detailing upcoming events. Okay, it’s a fan club, but what a club!
Don’t take my word for it, look Johnny and the crew up for yourself, at either http://www.corporateradiosucksass.com/ or http://freejohnnydare.com/. Or you can take a listen live here http://www.989therock.com/index.php, any weekday morning from 6am to 10am Central.
I first discovered the sunshine-shot-to-the-soul benefits of a great morning radio show when I lived in northern NJ and listened to the “Big Show” on 95.5 WPLJ out of NYC, featuring Scott Shannon and Todd Pettengill. Wow. They were terrific. They were my wake-up call for six years.
It’s not the music, you understand, it’s the camaraderie. It’s the joy of witnessing one entertaining conversation after another without having to contribute a darn thing. What a rush! And all the funny little bits … Todd’s prank calls to the friends and families of listeners who are in on the set-up, their merciless teasing of the affable Joe Nolan, Friday morning weekend blast-offs (Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake your body line! Shake, shake, shake, senora, shake it all the time!). All good, clean, fun requiring absolutely no brain-cell usage ... mmmmm, chocolate.
So when I moved to RI it was only to suffer through a year of morning radio show withdrawal doldrums. Oh, don’t get me wrong; Providence has plenty of stations, all doing their thing but, really … you try going from major market NY to a smaller market and tell me there’s no letdown. But I survived, and moved to MO where, I’m almost ashamed to admit, it took two tries and four years to find my new morning radio program love … the Johnny Dare Morning Show on 98.9 KQRC.
Upon arrival in the Kansas City area friends told me to give it a listen, and I hated, hated, hated it! This guy was an asinine, oafish, unfunny, callous, misogynistic tool … on his best days. I spent the next two years skipping all over the dial until I found a morning program I could live with (Afentra’s Big Fat Morning Buzz on 96.5 KBRZ), which suited well for two years, then flatlined.
Out of shear desperation I tuned into Johnny Dare again, and a crazy thing happened … I liked it! He still has beleaguered boss/pal Bob Edwards, dum-dum baby sidekick T-Bone, musical parody genius (and long-time best bud and alarm clock) Federation of Horsepower’s Gregg Todt, longest term temp at a radio station and funniest judgmentally repressed woman in rock ‘n roll ever Carrie Coogan … and a new guy who, it turns out, is actually returned old guy Jake the Phone Snake, who spent two minutes in Anchorman and is the voice of reason on many occasions … not to mention "Sports in Your Shorts" own Leif Lisec, unpaid, unsung hero of a best sports guy ever… and Barger, unofficial mascot and Johnny’s canine son who comes to work daily and has been known to insert his vociferous two cents.
That second time around is when I discovered the shocking fact that Johnny Dare … is so money! This time I get it. He’s labeled a shock jock, but not so much. He’s a Harley riding, long-haired, socially conscious, easy going, down with his feminine side, live-and-let-live kind of guy who truly enjoys life.
Oh, he still does childish stunts, such as the Wheel of Misfortune, which is exactly what it sounds like: listeners come into the studio and spin the wheel for various prizes and/or misfortunes, such as having T-Bone feed them like a baby bird, or shaving off an eyebrow, or having a sledgehammer taken to their vehicle, all for the chance of another spin and/or prize (generally concert tickets or a key to the Harley Giveaway).
And FMK, which has listeners call in and decide who, from a list of three candidates, they’d eff, marry, and kill … if they match two of the Morning Show crew they win the prize in question (generally tickets). There’s the on-again Easter Keg Hunt, where teams of hunters search the Kansas City area in a full-on city-wide scavenger hunt for said keg (great fun to listen to on the radio). But he also does a number of very awesome things, for which he does not blow his own horn, which makes it all the better:
Bikers for Babies http://www.marchofdimeskc.org/: the March of Dimes annual Kansas City motorcycle ride (2009 will be the fifteenth year), which raised $630,000 last year, once again the highest individual ride tally in the nation, with hundreds of participants, all on motorcycles of some kind, tooling along the parade route. To date the Kansas City ride has raised more than $3.7 million for the March of Dimes.
Hope for the Holidays (it’s not a hand-out, it’s a hand-up): where listeners, many simply overlooked by conventional organizations, from Thanksgiving through Christmas either write or call in with their needs, and Johnny gets it on-air, then calls the petitioner for more specifics, and puts them together with other listeners who call in to help brighten their holidays.
You can tell how much it hurts to have to ask for help, and how much it heals to do the helping. There are many years where a contributor was a past recipient and, sadly, the other way ‘round. The amazing thing? Within minutes, minutes, what is needed has been found as the phone lines light up with listeners who want to help.
Overdue utilities are made current, toys and clothing are delivered for children, pantries are filled and food is put on the table. Building supplies are donated, as well as time and expertise to get the job done. Car payments are made, new tires are installed and balanced, and up to three month funds are set up so the bread-winners can get much-needed surgeries without worrying they’ll lose everything while in recovery.
This is something really and truly special in and of itself, but the most wonderful thing about it is that they always, always exceed their goals. Always.
Harley Giveaways, where, if you’re a Rockaholic, you also win the kickass car. This year the Harley is a brand new 2009 black Street Glide with a 96-inch motor and a radio/CD player built in, and the car is a brand new 2009 black Mustang GT 5-speed 315hp V-8.
Rockfest (15 bands, 2 stages, 1 day): the largest one-day rock concert in North America … last year we had STP, Saving Abel, Rev Theory, Shinedown, Theory of a Dead Man, Saliva, Chevelle, Trapt, Another Animal, and Red Line Chemistry, among others. And the water is free (can’t dehydrate the loyal listeners, now can we?). For $30. Or $19.98 if you were a Rockaholic. Hah! I can’t wait to see who we’ll have this summer.
What’s a Rockaholic? That’s a member of the club that gets first dibs on concert tickets, cheaper than every else, gets the car as well as the bike if s/he wins the giveaway, and receives regular e-mails detailing upcoming events. Okay, it’s a fan club, but what a club!
Don’t take my word for it, look Johnny and the crew up for yourself, at either http://www.corporateradiosucksass.com/ or http://freejohnnydare.com/. Or you can take a listen live here http://www.989therock.com/index.php, any weekday morning from 6am to 10am Central.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Arrrgh, Politics
All right, most of you know I'm fairly conservative and did not vote for Barrack Obama in the election, but I have to say I am passing fed up with these expletive deleteds who complain President Obama isn't keeping his campaign promises.
Hello? Have you lived through a presidential election in the United States? Did you pay attention? I don't care who got your vote, he did not ... I repeat ... did not ... fulfill his campaign promises. He didn't even fulfill most of them. He barely fulfilled some of them, and none of those were the ones you really cared about.
What are we, collectively stupid? Every election is the same old same old ... promises to fix the world out the wazoo, until he gets into office and learns the reality of the situaton he just inherited. The mark of a true Man is how he then handles himself; does he blame the previous administration ad nauseum, or does he get over his bad self and get on with the job?
My jury's been out on President Obama ... not that I feel he's actively been a shit, but passively? Oh, please! The man has had ample opportunity to reign in his party members, but done nothing. It embarrasses me that the leaders of my country, which I truly believe is the greatest place on Earth to live, behave in such an immature manner. No wonder we're the sworn enemy and/or laughing stock of half the free world, damnit.
Today I got this in an e-mail, and just couldn't resist commenting. It’s supposed to be a guest column written in a newspaper late last year by retired professional Norma White:
You want change? Try these ideas
Each presidential candidate is giving his rendition of the changes he wants for America. Here are a few that I believe all Americans want.
Hello? Have you lived through a presidential election in the United States? Did you pay attention? I don't care who got your vote, he did not ... I repeat ... did not ... fulfill his campaign promises. He didn't even fulfill most of them. He barely fulfilled some of them, and none of those were the ones you really cared about.
What are we, collectively stupid? Every election is the same old same old ... promises to fix the world out the wazoo, until he gets into office and learns the reality of the situaton he just inherited. The mark of a true Man is how he then handles himself; does he blame the previous administration ad nauseum, or does he get over his bad self and get on with the job?
My jury's been out on President Obama ... not that I feel he's actively been a shit, but passively? Oh, please! The man has had ample opportunity to reign in his party members, but done nothing. It embarrasses me that the leaders of my country, which I truly believe is the greatest place on Earth to live, behave in such an immature manner. No wonder we're the sworn enemy and/or laughing stock of half the free world, damnit.
Today I got this in an e-mail, and just couldn't resist commenting. It’s supposed to be a guest column written in a newspaper late last year by retired professional Norma White:
You want change? Try these ideas
Each presidential candidate is giving his rendition of the changes he wants for America. Here are a few that I believe all Americans want.
- Limit Congress from serving more than two terms. That is all that presidents are allowed. On the face of it not a bad idea, but they are elected officials, so howsabout we just continue to exercise our right to vote them out of office? Besides, I'll bet there are quite a few cases where the incumbent is the lesser of two evils.
- Stop Congress from voting for their own raises. How did that ever get started? I have no idea whether or not this is true, but if it is, I'd like complementary perks, please.
- Stop paying for lawmakers' high-priced insurance premiums. After all, they are only part-time employees. They might pass some law changes on the insurance companies, if they had to find one. Couldn't it then be said that anyone who's insurance is currently subsidized by his/her employer is guilty of overstepping the very same boundaries? I defy you to locate anyone who would accept a low-priced premium when offered a choice.
- Stop paying lawmakers their full salary after serving just one term, or at retirement. We need to get rid of that pension plan; they've let other companies get rid of theirs. You were lucky to get 40 to 50 percent of your salary after working somewhere for 35 years, but they get 100 percent. Now I know this one isn't true ... there are all kinds of variables that go into determining pension payouts: age of retirement, years of service, etc.
- Make Congress pay into the Social Security system. They make laws for it. If they spent some of their own money, they might be interested in making it solvent. Members of Congress do pay into Social Security ... as do many illegal aliens, seeing as employers are required to have documentation proving citizenship or visa status.
- Stop handing out aid to illegal aliens. If we did, then Medicaid and the food stamp program would have enough money to aid the aged and the poor. The only illegal aliens getting Medicaid and food stamps are those who have falsified documentation ... and guess what? Plenty of bonafide citizens are doing the same.
- Secure our borders. What a dumbass sentiment ... it cannot be done, people. If it could, we'd have done it already. China built a wall. Germany did, too. 'Nuff said.
- Stop allowing babies born to illegal aliens in the United States automatic U.S. citizenship. What?!? Okay, this is actually the dumbass sentiment. What the hell makes one a U.S. citizen? Being born here! I ... oh ... I am speechless.
- Stop the abuse of our benevolent welfare system. I know people who work in our welfare system and believe me, it ain't all that "benevolent". We feed children free meals three times a day until they are 17. Where? No place I've ever lived! Churches give away good, clean clothes. Churches give away good, donated, clothes ... and furniture, and automobiles, and all sorts of stuff that most people who don't need to get their stuff for free consider to be junk and wouldn't be caught dead with. Companies buy and donate school supplies. Yes, they do, and good on them! Have you seen the differences between public schools in the United States?!?! If you have, you should be ashamed. Ashamed! Emergency rooms provide health care at taxpayer expense and the food stamp program is buying food at home. So? I have a far bigger problem with nursing homes, police departments, and for-profit hospitals turfing the elderly, drunk, indigent, and uninsured to local federally funded emergency rooms. If that wasn't happening, we taxpayers would truly only be paying for actual emergent care, which is very, very, necessary. Regardless of your insurance status, if you don't have the information on you, or aren't able to communicate it, and wind up in the ER, they're going to treat you anyway, bubba, because that's what they do. That is their socal contract. What are parents doing for their children? Umm, would that be the single parent working two jobs just to keep her head above water? The couple working full time to pay the bills? The countless other situations of imperfection that rule this great nation? What aren't parents doing? Comparisons between raising children today and raising children even a decade ago are like comparisons between apples and hammers.
- Have a computer program that cross checks Social Security numbers with fingerprints to stop fraud on many fronts. Use it on voter registration, too. Difficult to implement, seeing as it would be illegal (can't use SSN as identification) ... besides, even fingerprints can be faked these days. Let's just spit-check everyone, everywhere, for DNA analysis. What a fun time that would be, hawking for identification purposes!
- Stop bailing out mortgage companies and banks that give loans to people who cannot afford them. But they didn't ... they bailed out businesses that, on paper, made legitimate decisions. It was, among other things, the initial mortgage-granters that fudged the numbers and/or provided false information. But I do believe the bailout should have been far more circumspect; I don't just hand over cash to anybody, restriction-free, so why should my government?
- Stop companies from paying CEOs and other executives outrageous salaries and bonuses while doing away with workers' pensions. Why? When times are good, no one has a problem with outrageous bonuses, and they can't just "do away" with pensions; they can stop contributing and look to provide alternate options, but that doesn't mean they're allowed to keep what's already in the pension. That's just plain illegal (yes, I know it's been done, but not legally). The issue is failing businesses honoring bonuses before business committments, which is just sinful. Completely different scenario.
- Stop all unnecessary spending so we will have the money for our nation's security, and to help needy and elderly Americans. A nice sentiment, but what do you suggest? These sweeping statements are always easy to make, but put your money where your mouth is and come up with a plan.
- Stop permitting anyone to have a photo with their face covered on driver's licenses. Where the hell is this allowed? Or do you mean facial hair? If it's facial hair, how about having the photo updated annually to give a better rendition of how the person really looks?
Whoever wins the presidency will not be able to make these changes. Only members of Congress can do this, as they are the lawmakers. I don't believe Congress is interested in changing anything, do you? See, all this does is infuriate me. This type of simplistic rhetoric isn't part of the answer, its part of the problem. Most of this stuff Congress wouldn't be able to touch with a ten foot pole, anyway.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Weekly Idol: Top 10, Grand Ole Opry Week
While nobody rocked my world tonight, a couple came close. Here’s my take on tonight’s performances:
Matt Giraud (So Small) – 10 out of 10. I don’t know the song, and the audio cut out momentarily toward the middle, but wow! I loved it! Matt’s smooth, smoky, vocals are not to be dismissed. If possible, Matt gets better every week. I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Anoop Desai (Always on My Mind) – 10 out of 10. OMF Goodness!!! Lovely serenade. Anoop is baaaack! The best thing? This performance was absolutely no disrespect to Willie Nelson, and was actually almost as good, in a thoroughly different style. Beautiful. I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Daney Gokey (Jesus Take the Wheel) – 9 out of 10. Man, I melt when Danny starts to sing … I am seriously incapable of an unbiased opinion where this kid is concerned … but I’d like to hear some pure upbeat frippery next week. In this case I was very pleasantly surprised because as soon as I heard his song choice I thought, "No way." But I was wrong! I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Kris Allen (To Make You Feel My Love) – 9 out of 10. See how Kris’ talent just sneaks up on you? And I totally take back my "vapid" comment from last week. If Kris keeps this up he’s going to be in it for the long haul. Woo hoo! I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Megan Joy Corkrey (I Go Walkin’ After Midnight) – 8 out of 10. Still love her quirky vocals and style, but I thought she ran into some vocal problems where she seemed strained ... then found out she’s had the freakin’ flu … sheesh! Goes to show you; the kid has chops. I just wish she’d pick a modern song to really showcase her talents. I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Michael Sarver (Ain’t Goin’ Down ‘Til the Sun Comes Up) – 8 out of 10. Really good job on a tough-paced song, great interaction with his accompianist and the audience, just a few moments where he seemed out-of-breath (well, duh!) … very good job on a boot stompin’ song. Not different enough from Garth’s version to merit buying it, though.
Adam Lambert (Ring of Fire) – 7 out of 10. Ick! Gag! I’m sticking with my assessment that Adam is in a league of his own and just toying with us for his own amusement, he is so sick with talent … but it’s still not my bag, baby. Adam totally got his alt-rock on with this rendition, but, oh! Not Johnny Cash! The man is a LEGEND, what was Adam thinking?!? Grrrr-Arrggh.
Lil Rounds (Independence Day) – 7 out of 10. Started slow but picked it up as she went along. This either wasn’t the song, or the theme, for Lil ... or maybe she’s gone and caught Megan’s flu ... because she seemed to have been holding back. Or something.
Scott McIntyre (Wild Angels) – 6 out of 10. Not his best, but that croon! The song itself doesn’t say much, nor lend itself to very imaginative interpretation with its repetitiveness, so it did nothing to showcase Scott’s emotional range, which may prove disastrous in the voting. Scott should sing something that truly speaks to him next week that will reel me back in.
Allison Iraheta (Blame it on the Heart) – 6 out of 10. Still with the kick-ass vocals. Ditto the emotion of a stump. Allison simply needs seasoning; right now she sings (exceedingly) well, but doesn’t yet “own” it (although she is picking up playing-to-the-audience skills). The difference between Allison and Scott is that I know he has the ability, but have yet to see it from her.
Alexis Grace (Jolene) – 4 out of 10. Two ho-hum weeks in a row for Alexis; this time it was the song choice. Brooke White did such a great job last season, and Dolly’s version is the absolute ultimate … Alexis just didn’t change it up enough to impress, and really didn’t utilize those superb vocals of hers until way late in the song. Too bad, really, because I like her.
Based on tonight’s performances alone, I’d say Scott, Allison, and Alexis are in trouble.
Matt Giraud (So Small) – 10 out of 10. I don’t know the song, and the audio cut out momentarily toward the middle, but wow! I loved it! Matt’s smooth, smoky, vocals are not to be dismissed. If possible, Matt gets better every week. I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Anoop Desai (Always on My Mind) – 10 out of 10. OMF Goodness!!! Lovely serenade. Anoop is baaaack! The best thing? This performance was absolutely no disrespect to Willie Nelson, and was actually almost as good, in a thoroughly different style. Beautiful. I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Daney Gokey (Jesus Take the Wheel) – 9 out of 10. Man, I melt when Danny starts to sing … I am seriously incapable of an unbiased opinion where this kid is concerned … but I’d like to hear some pure upbeat frippery next week. In this case I was very pleasantly surprised because as soon as I heard his song choice I thought, "No way." But I was wrong! I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Kris Allen (To Make You Feel My Love) – 9 out of 10. See how Kris’ talent just sneaks up on you? And I totally take back my "vapid" comment from last week. If Kris keeps this up he’s going to be in it for the long haul. Woo hoo! I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Megan Joy Corkrey (I Go Walkin’ After Midnight) – 8 out of 10. Still love her quirky vocals and style, but I thought she ran into some vocal problems where she seemed strained ... then found out she’s had the freakin’ flu … sheesh! Goes to show you; the kid has chops. I just wish she’d pick a modern song to really showcase her talents. I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Michael Sarver (Ain’t Goin’ Down ‘Til the Sun Comes Up) – 8 out of 10. Really good job on a tough-paced song, great interaction with his accompianist and the audience, just a few moments where he seemed out-of-breath (well, duh!) … very good job on a boot stompin’ song. Not different enough from Garth’s version to merit buying it, though.
Adam Lambert (Ring of Fire) – 7 out of 10. Ick! Gag! I’m sticking with my assessment that Adam is in a league of his own and just toying with us for his own amusement, he is so sick with talent … but it’s still not my bag, baby. Adam totally got his alt-rock on with this rendition, but, oh! Not Johnny Cash! The man is a LEGEND, what was Adam thinking?!? Grrrr-Arrggh.
Lil Rounds (Independence Day) – 7 out of 10. Started slow but picked it up as she went along. This either wasn’t the song, or the theme, for Lil ... or maybe she’s gone and caught Megan’s flu ... because she seemed to have been holding back. Or something.
Scott McIntyre (Wild Angels) – 6 out of 10. Not his best, but that croon! The song itself doesn’t say much, nor lend itself to very imaginative interpretation with its repetitiveness, so it did nothing to showcase Scott’s emotional range, which may prove disastrous in the voting. Scott should sing something that truly speaks to him next week that will reel me back in.
Allison Iraheta (Blame it on the Heart) – 6 out of 10. Still with the kick-ass vocals. Ditto the emotion of a stump. Allison simply needs seasoning; right now she sings (exceedingly) well, but doesn’t yet “own” it (although she is picking up playing-to-the-audience skills). The difference between Allison and Scott is that I know he has the ability, but have yet to see it from her.
Alexis Grace (Jolene) – 4 out of 10. Two ho-hum weeks in a row for Alexis; this time it was the song choice. Brooke White did such a great job last season, and Dolly’s version is the absolute ultimate … Alexis just didn’t change it up enough to impress, and really didn’t utilize those superb vocals of hers until way late in the song. Too bad, really, because I like her.
Based on tonight’s performances alone, I’d say Scott, Allison, and Alexis are in trouble.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Long/Short Weekend
Early last week I dropped by the vet to discuss my Joey situation … I’d rather they come out to the house when its time to put him to sleep, because I don’t relish the thought that the last thing I do with him will be to get him all worked up with a car trip behind enemy lines. But they don’t make house calls to euthanize, and I wonder why not? I’d think it a great investment; wouldn’t most pet-owned much prefer such a non-stressed-filled option for the end? So I’ve been referred elsewhere, and here I am, hoping he just drifts away in his sleep …
Anyway, Joey has now officially been put on the k/d prescription diet … and he loves it. I put out half a can … he devours it in about three seconds (tickle me pink, he’s eating with gusto!) … I top off with the rest of the can … it’s gone by morning. These frigging cans are $38/case … that’s $1.58/can! Sheesh! Wish I had stock.
But that’s not why it’s a long/short weekend. It’s a long/short weekend because I had that tooth pulled Friday. The appointment was for 3pm … I was finally allowed through the waiting room doors into the inner bastion of oral surgery at 4pm … yep, got to cool my heels in the (jam packed full) waiting room an hour. An hour! WTF?! Why is it that doctor’s offices are endlessly complaining about people showing up late to appointments when they continue to insist on over-scheduling? Screw them!
Okay, so I’m led through the doors into the inner sanctum, which is a giant half-circle with surgical stalls radiating out like the spokes of a wheel. We walk to the right, past the receptionist station, the supply room, the doctor’s offices, the break room, the rest rooms, and the records room, to the last of the surgical stalls, then proceed all the way around the giant half-circle back to the 2nd stall in from the door we just entered. I stopped and glared at the nurse, pointed to the door, and asked, “Isn’t that the door to the waiting room?”
She looked at me in confusion, “Yes?” I laughed in her face. She figured me out, though, “We don’t like to walk patients by active surgeries … it can be upsetting, so we walk them around.” She totally had me there, and was kind enough not to add that it was none of my business what was going on in the next stall and for goodness sake they try to give people a little privacy, missy lookiloo. Nice kid.
So in comes my doctor, the same one who removed my wisdom tooth back in April, and he’s not happy I’m going with a local this time. I finally had to shut him up with the old “I have no transportation” excuse. All these concerns that while I won’t feel any pain there will be pressure and am I sure I can handle feeling the pressure and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? All the while I’m thinking, “Yep, he’s never been to a gynecologist.” Talk about “pressure”!
I get it that he’s probably had far more patients who thought they could handle an extraction under local than who actually could. But I, grand winner (to date) of six teeth with root canals (one that had the root canal performed three times!), seven teeth with crowns, and two cracked teeth that require crowns, can, indeed, handle it. Bring it on!
I’d prefer Septocaine, but they don’t use it, so in goes the Lidocaine. In my experience getting the shot is generally more painful than the actual dentistry. This time was no different. The needles to the outside of my jaw weren’t so bad, but the ones to the roof of my mouth? Whoa, nelly! Ouch!
As an aside, why is it that I flinch when getting a shot in the arm from a physician, but have no trouble at all when a dentist pulls out the big guns (have you seen the size of those needles?!?!)? Those always hurt. Always, always, always, but I don’t remember a “regular” shot ever hurting. Weird, huh?
Anyway, after a few minutes in comes doc with a couple assistants … all lined up to grab yours truly in case of sudden escape plans. He turns my head to the side, sticks something into the tooth (and yes, I could definitely feel the pressure). He had that puppy out in less than five minutes. The nurse plugs a wad of gauze into the hole, gives me a set of instructions and prescriptions for antibiotics and Darvocet, and I’m off. I stopped to fill the prescriptions on my way home, and we are finally at the reason for my long/short weekend.
My mouth hurts. A lot. It feels like the tooth is still there, and someone has it in the grip of pliers and is slowly unscrewing it from my jaw. Backwards. While pouring fire on it. I know it’s just the nerve endings, but sheesh! All three of those teeth have had root canals … there’s not a living bit of tooth up there. All this pain is in/from the gum. I did not expect this. So I’m taking the Darvocet. Which knocks me on my ass. I am a pain-killer lightweight. I take a half-dose and am lights-out within 30 minutes.
So it’s been a long weekend because I’m bored and my mouth hurts, but a short weekend because I keep losing four hour chunks of time. Work will be fun tomorrow. I can’t take the Darvocet until I get home. I’ll either be fine, or stark-raving mad, by the time afternoon rolls around.
Anyway, Joey has now officially been put on the k/d prescription diet … and he loves it. I put out half a can … he devours it in about three seconds (tickle me pink, he’s eating with gusto!) … I top off with the rest of the can … it’s gone by morning. These frigging cans are $38/case … that’s $1.58/can! Sheesh! Wish I had stock.
But that’s not why it’s a long/short weekend. It’s a long/short weekend because I had that tooth pulled Friday. The appointment was for 3pm … I was finally allowed through the waiting room doors into the inner bastion of oral surgery at 4pm … yep, got to cool my heels in the (jam packed full) waiting room an hour. An hour! WTF?! Why is it that doctor’s offices are endlessly complaining about people showing up late to appointments when they continue to insist on over-scheduling? Screw them!
Okay, so I’m led through the doors into the inner sanctum, which is a giant half-circle with surgical stalls radiating out like the spokes of a wheel. We walk to the right, past the receptionist station, the supply room, the doctor’s offices, the break room, the rest rooms, and the records room, to the last of the surgical stalls, then proceed all the way around the giant half-circle back to the 2nd stall in from the door we just entered. I stopped and glared at the nurse, pointed to the door, and asked, “Isn’t that the door to the waiting room?”
She looked at me in confusion, “Yes?” I laughed in her face. She figured me out, though, “We don’t like to walk patients by active surgeries … it can be upsetting, so we walk them around.” She totally had me there, and was kind enough not to add that it was none of my business what was going on in the next stall and for goodness sake they try to give people a little privacy, missy lookiloo. Nice kid.
So in comes my doctor, the same one who removed my wisdom tooth back in April, and he’s not happy I’m going with a local this time. I finally had to shut him up with the old “I have no transportation” excuse. All these concerns that while I won’t feel any pain there will be pressure and am I sure I can handle feeling the pressure and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? All the while I’m thinking, “Yep, he’s never been to a gynecologist.” Talk about “pressure”!
I get it that he’s probably had far more patients who thought they could handle an extraction under local than who actually could. But I, grand winner (to date) of six teeth with root canals (one that had the root canal performed three times!), seven teeth with crowns, and two cracked teeth that require crowns, can, indeed, handle it. Bring it on!
I’d prefer Septocaine, but they don’t use it, so in goes the Lidocaine. In my experience getting the shot is generally more painful than the actual dentistry. This time was no different. The needles to the outside of my jaw weren’t so bad, but the ones to the roof of my mouth? Whoa, nelly! Ouch!
As an aside, why is it that I flinch when getting a shot in the arm from a physician, but have no trouble at all when a dentist pulls out the big guns (have you seen the size of those needles?!?!)? Those always hurt. Always, always, always, but I don’t remember a “regular” shot ever hurting. Weird, huh?
Anyway, after a few minutes in comes doc with a couple assistants … all lined up to grab yours truly in case of sudden escape plans. He turns my head to the side, sticks something into the tooth (and yes, I could definitely feel the pressure). He had that puppy out in less than five minutes. The nurse plugs a wad of gauze into the hole, gives me a set of instructions and prescriptions for antibiotics and Darvocet, and I’m off. I stopped to fill the prescriptions on my way home, and we are finally at the reason for my long/short weekend.
My mouth hurts. A lot. It feels like the tooth is still there, and someone has it in the grip of pliers and is slowly unscrewing it from my jaw. Backwards. While pouring fire on it. I know it’s just the nerve endings, but sheesh! All three of those teeth have had root canals … there’s not a living bit of tooth up there. All this pain is in/from the gum. I did not expect this. So I’m taking the Darvocet. Which knocks me on my ass. I am a pain-killer lightweight. I take a half-dose and am lights-out within 30 minutes.
So it’s been a long weekend because I’m bored and my mouth hurts, but a short weekend because I keep losing four hour chunks of time. Work will be fun tomorrow. I can’t take the Darvocet until I get home. I’ll either be fine, or stark-raving mad, by the time afternoon rolls around.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Weekly Idol: Top 11, Michael Jackson Week
Here’s how I ranked the gang this week (the guys really outperformed the gals to my mind). I just wish someone would teach this crew how not to blow into their mics!
Matt Giraud (Human Nature) – 10 out of 10. Fantastic!! Love him! Just the fall on the line, “tell ‘em that it’s human nature” was so splendiferously melodious. Yummy. I rewound and watched three times! He puts me in mind of Ben Affleck, looks-wise. Cutie-patootie to boot! I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Daney Gokey (P.Y.T – Pretty Young Thing) – 9 out of 10. Seriously fun … the Energizer Bunny of the night. I am deep in the throes of mad love for Danny; he totally got me with the change-up at the beginning – loved it! And how he plays to the audience? Nice. “Let me take you to the max!” I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Michael Sarver (You Are Not Alone) – 9 out of 10. How thrilled am I the big lug scored a slam dunk? Very!! This is just what I was looking for out of Michael … to put his money where his mouth is, and he did! This is exponentially better than last week. Now I know why he’s in it. Just to sing this song. To me. “And girl you know that I’ll be there.” I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Adam Lambert (Black or White) – 8 out of 10. Adam’s not my kind of singer, but there’s no denying he’s by far the most arena-ready of the gang. I’m thinking he’d be great as the lead singer in a stadium band that goes the full monty on pageantry, y’know? A modern take on Queen or Journey … something like that.
Lil Rounds (The Way You Make Me Feel) – 8 out of 10. Hella voice, great play to the audience, song was just okay. Lil’s got such a great voice and presence; she’s going to make it or break it on song choice alone, and this song was beneath her talent.
Allison Iraheta (Give in to Me) – 8 out of 10. Holy guacamole, this kid is terrific! Love her voice, but the song choice? Meh (shrug). Astonishing talent nonetheless.
Kris Allen (Remember the Time) – 8 out of 10. Surprised you here, didn't I? Well, I really like his voice, but he does have the potential to become this season’s Jason: man-child of the vapid daze. This song did nothing for me because the backing vocal track didn’t match what Kris was trying to do. The fact that he could pull it off at all speaks volumes for his musical potential, though. The guitar was unnecessary, but no distraction … seemed more like a security blanket than anything else.
Scott McIntyre (Keep the Faith) – 7 out of 10. Here's the thing; I actually don’t know this song, but I thoroughly enjoyed Scott’s rendition of it; he was able to make this unfamiliar song interesting and was fully comfortable with the run-outs. Good, solid performance.
Alexis Grace (Dirty Diana) – 6 out of 10. Oh no! Horrible, awful, awful song choice! It’s just a shrieking mess on the best of days. Alexis did very well (love that soulful growl of hers) until it ran away with her at the end.
Megan Joy Corkrey (Rockin’ Robin) – 6 out of 10. Still love her voice/style, but not a great song choice … so safe! All it did was bring to mind the jukebox at Arnold’s in Happy Days, or a Debbie Fisher sing-along in some old musical.
Jorge Nunez (Never Can Say Goodbye) – 6 out of 10. Very smooth voice, but this song selection made him sound like a lounge singer on a cruise ship, or someone on an easy-listening radio station.
Anoop Desai (Beat It) – 4 out of 10. Poor Anoop, I thought it was almost a solid performance: his voice cracked a couple times and he seemed a little nervous. But I also think to sing this particular song well the contestant would have had to have made significant style changes, much like David Cook last season, to move it away from how Michael Jackson sings it, because ain’t nobody can sing it like Mike … to try is just karaoke imitation.
Jasmine Murray (I’ll Be There) – 3 out of 10. Terrific voice, but another who’s song choice hurt her. This time because it’s too bubble-gum. Yes, it showed off her range, but there was absolutely no emotional connection. Another karaoke performance.
I’d be surprised if the two to get voted off don’t come from the last four on this list (Megan, Jorge, Anoop, and Jasmine). we'll see tonight.
Matt Giraud (Human Nature) – 10 out of 10. Fantastic!! Love him! Just the fall on the line, “tell ‘em that it’s human nature” was so splendiferously melodious. Yummy. I rewound and watched three times! He puts me in mind of Ben Affleck, looks-wise. Cutie-patootie to boot! I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Daney Gokey (P.Y.T – Pretty Young Thing) – 9 out of 10. Seriously fun … the Energizer Bunny of the night. I am deep in the throes of mad love for Danny; he totally got me with the change-up at the beginning – loved it! And how he plays to the audience? Nice. “Let me take you to the max!” I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Michael Sarver (You Are Not Alone) – 9 out of 10. How thrilled am I the big lug scored a slam dunk? Very!! This is just what I was looking for out of Michael … to put his money where his mouth is, and he did! This is exponentially better than last week. Now I know why he’s in it. Just to sing this song. To me. “And girl you know that I’ll be there.” I’ll buy it off iTunes.
Adam Lambert (Black or White) – 8 out of 10. Adam’s not my kind of singer, but there’s no denying he’s by far the most arena-ready of the gang. I’m thinking he’d be great as the lead singer in a stadium band that goes the full monty on pageantry, y’know? A modern take on Queen or Journey … something like that.
Lil Rounds (The Way You Make Me Feel) – 8 out of 10. Hella voice, great play to the audience, song was just okay. Lil’s got such a great voice and presence; she’s going to make it or break it on song choice alone, and this song was beneath her talent.
Allison Iraheta (Give in to Me) – 8 out of 10. Holy guacamole, this kid is terrific! Love her voice, but the song choice? Meh (shrug). Astonishing talent nonetheless.
Kris Allen (Remember the Time) – 8 out of 10. Surprised you here, didn't I? Well, I really like his voice, but he does have the potential to become this season’s Jason: man-child of the vapid daze. This song did nothing for me because the backing vocal track didn’t match what Kris was trying to do. The fact that he could pull it off at all speaks volumes for his musical potential, though. The guitar was unnecessary, but no distraction … seemed more like a security blanket than anything else.
Scott McIntyre (Keep the Faith) – 7 out of 10. Here's the thing; I actually don’t know this song, but I thoroughly enjoyed Scott’s rendition of it; he was able to make this unfamiliar song interesting and was fully comfortable with the run-outs. Good, solid performance.
Alexis Grace (Dirty Diana) – 6 out of 10. Oh no! Horrible, awful, awful song choice! It’s just a shrieking mess on the best of days. Alexis did very well (love that soulful growl of hers) until it ran away with her at the end.
Megan Joy Corkrey (Rockin’ Robin) – 6 out of 10. Still love her voice/style, but not a great song choice … so safe! All it did was bring to mind the jukebox at Arnold’s in Happy Days, or a Debbie Fisher sing-along in some old musical.
Jorge Nunez (Never Can Say Goodbye) – 6 out of 10. Very smooth voice, but this song selection made him sound like a lounge singer on a cruise ship, or someone on an easy-listening radio station.
Anoop Desai (Beat It) – 4 out of 10. Poor Anoop, I thought it was almost a solid performance: his voice cracked a couple times and he seemed a little nervous. But I also think to sing this particular song well the contestant would have had to have made significant style changes, much like David Cook last season, to move it away from how Michael Jackson sings it, because ain’t nobody can sing it like Mike … to try is just karaoke imitation.
Jasmine Murray (I’ll Be There) – 3 out of 10. Terrific voice, but another who’s song choice hurt her. This time because it’s too bubble-gum. Yes, it showed off her range, but there was absolutely no emotional connection. Another karaoke performance.
I’d be surprised if the two to get voted off don’t come from the last four on this list (Megan, Jorge, Anoop, and Jasmine). we'll see tonight.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Weekly Idol: Top 12 … er … 13 ... Baker’s Dozen!
Because I know you're hanging on the edge of your seat wanting to know, here's how la isla stands on AI's remaining contestants:
Daney Gokey (Hero) – WOO HOO!! Rock on! I love, love, love this guy! Every time he sings I get goosebumps. Killer.
Lil Rounds (Be Without You) – I don’t know this song, but what a treat! And Lil injected some fun with “call this show if you just can’t be without me”.
Matt Giraud (Who’s Loving You) wildcard pick – awesome! Especially after his take on Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida”, which was awful (he tried to make it too upbeat). Matt’s got that bluesy kind of voice I just love.
Alexis Grace (Never Loved a Man) – where the hell did this voice come from? Wow! I did not expect that!
Adam Lambert (Satisfaction) – not my favorite interpretation of this song; it almost seemed like Adam was trying to make it more Southern Rock; but he has one helluva vocal range … I’d love to hear him take on Meatloaf.
Megan Joy Corkrey (Black Horse & a Cherry Tree) wildcard pick – I am blown away by her voice, and think she’s adorably awkward on stage (can’t dance, just jerks around a bit, flapping her arms). I liked her “Put Your Records On”, too (that one should have got her through!).
Scott McIntyre (Mandolyn Rain) – I don’t know what the big deal is when Scott’s not behind the piano; I think he’s terrific either way! Scott’s voice carries such emotion. It felt like he was telling a story with this performance … lovely, actually brought a tear to my eye.
Anoop Desai (My Prerogative) surprise wildcard pick – vocals started poorly but improved, and he really drew the audience in with his showmanship, making it a very fun experience. I really liked it.
Jorge Nunez (Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me) – I couldn’t give a pickled pigs foot about his accent … he’s got the chops to sing Elton John! And sing it well! Whew!
Jasmine Murray (Reflection) wildcard pick – another song I don’t know, but Jasmine sang it like a pro; she has such a pretty voice, and hits the high notes very well, but she’s a little breathy … she needs a little work with a voice coach, I think, because she had the same problem with “Love Song”.
Allison Iraheta (Alone) – I’m amazed she’s only 16! Allison has that Rock voice that kicks ass!
Kris Allen (Man in the Mirror) – it’s not my favorite song, pretty boring really, but this kid can carry a tune and did a great job with it, getting better as the song progressed.
Michael Sarver (I Don’t Wanna Be) – just okay. Based on his performances so far, Michael is lucky to be here, but how can you not love the big lug?
Daney Gokey (Hero) – WOO HOO!! Rock on! I love, love, love this guy! Every time he sings I get goosebumps. Killer.
Lil Rounds (Be Without You) – I don’t know this song, but what a treat! And Lil injected some fun with “call this show if you just can’t be without me”.
Matt Giraud (Who’s Loving You) wildcard pick – awesome! Especially after his take on Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida”, which was awful (he tried to make it too upbeat). Matt’s got that bluesy kind of voice I just love.
Alexis Grace (Never Loved a Man) – where the hell did this voice come from? Wow! I did not expect that!
Adam Lambert (Satisfaction) – not my favorite interpretation of this song; it almost seemed like Adam was trying to make it more Southern Rock; but he has one helluva vocal range … I’d love to hear him take on Meatloaf.
Megan Joy Corkrey (Black Horse & a Cherry Tree) wildcard pick – I am blown away by her voice, and think she’s adorably awkward on stage (can’t dance, just jerks around a bit, flapping her arms). I liked her “Put Your Records On”, too (that one should have got her through!).
Scott McIntyre (Mandolyn Rain) – I don’t know what the big deal is when Scott’s not behind the piano; I think he’s terrific either way! Scott’s voice carries such emotion. It felt like he was telling a story with this performance … lovely, actually brought a tear to my eye.
Anoop Desai (My Prerogative) surprise wildcard pick – vocals started poorly but improved, and he really drew the audience in with his showmanship, making it a very fun experience. I really liked it.
Jorge Nunez (Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me) – I couldn’t give a pickled pigs foot about his accent … he’s got the chops to sing Elton John! And sing it well! Whew!
Jasmine Murray (Reflection) wildcard pick – another song I don’t know, but Jasmine sang it like a pro; she has such a pretty voice, and hits the high notes very well, but she’s a little breathy … she needs a little work with a voice coach, I think, because she had the same problem with “Love Song”.
Allison Iraheta (Alone) – I’m amazed she’s only 16! Allison has that Rock voice that kicks ass!
Kris Allen (Man in the Mirror) – it’s not my favorite song, pretty boring really, but this kid can carry a tune and did a great job with it, getting better as the song progressed.
Michael Sarver (I Don’t Wanna Be) – just okay. Based on his performances so far, Michael is lucky to be here, but how can you not love the big lug?
Thursday, March 5, 2009
So Far, So Good
Having been sucked into the AI world for the first time last season (I tuned in because there was supposed to have been a girl from RI, and stuck around because I got hooked on David Cook, who turned out to be the son of a friend of a friend), I decided to give it a go this year as well, starting with the auditions (didn’t catch them last year because all the hype painted them as excruciating to witness: so not my thing).
Anyway, some of my favorites made it through (yippee!), but some didn’t:
Rose Flack (Never Loved a Man) – her rendition of this song was perfection, but the poor kid fell apart … I hope she tries again next year.
Ju’Not Joyner (Hey There Delilah) – really would like to hear him sing more; his audition of Elton John’s “the Blues” was, dare I say it, awesome!
Mishavonna Henson (Drops of Jupiter) – great vocals, style, and personality, period … I have no earthly idea why she didn’t make it through.
Kai Kalama (What Becomes of the Brokenhearted) – whiskey-soaked vocals, “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” is one of my all-time favorites, and he rocked it at the auditions.
Kristin McNamara (Give Me One Reason) – helluva voice, viciously picked on by judges, a little dense, but has definite potential.
Nick Mitchell (And I am Telling You) – horrible and campy, but I’d love to see him take this seriously and show us what he has … his "Amazing Grace" during the auditions showed a glimpse of true talent.
And my absolute least favorite, who thankfully did not make it through:
Tatiana Del Toro (Saving All My Love for You) – [groan] do not get me going on this trainwreck … her theatrics ruined her chances … too bad, because judging by the one song she performed repeatedly (er, ad nauseum), she can really sing (this one song, at least) … but she was exhausting, and I would have stopped watching until she was voted off; that’s how annoying I found her.
Finally, although I didn't think he was one of the best, he was very, very good:
Von Smith (You're All I Need to Get By) – terrific ... normally I'd not have followed him, but it turns out he's a local (even more so than David Cook was), and I would have supported him all the way through because of that ... it would have been great fun, I think.
Anyway, some of my favorites made it through (yippee!), but some didn’t:
Rose Flack (Never Loved a Man) – her rendition of this song was perfection, but the poor kid fell apart … I hope she tries again next year.
Ju’Not Joyner (Hey There Delilah) – really would like to hear him sing more; his audition of Elton John’s “the Blues” was, dare I say it, awesome!
Mishavonna Henson (Drops of Jupiter) – great vocals, style, and personality, period … I have no earthly idea why she didn’t make it through.
Kai Kalama (What Becomes of the Brokenhearted) – whiskey-soaked vocals, “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” is one of my all-time favorites, and he rocked it at the auditions.
Kristin McNamara (Give Me One Reason) – helluva voice, viciously picked on by judges, a little dense, but has definite potential.
Nick Mitchell (And I am Telling You) – horrible and campy, but I’d love to see him take this seriously and show us what he has … his "Amazing Grace" during the auditions showed a glimpse of true talent.
And my absolute least favorite, who thankfully did not make it through:
Tatiana Del Toro (Saving All My Love for You) – [groan] do not get me going on this trainwreck … her theatrics ruined her chances … too bad, because judging by the one song she performed repeatedly (er, ad nauseum), she can really sing (this one song, at least) … but she was exhausting, and I would have stopped watching until she was voted off; that’s how annoying I found her.
Finally, although I didn't think he was one of the best, he was very, very good:
Von Smith (You're All I Need to Get By) – terrific ... normally I'd not have followed him, but it turns out he's a local (even more so than David Cook was), and I would have supported him all the way through because of that ... it would have been great fun, I think.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
That Bastard Ray
So, a gazillion years ago … okay, fifteen years ago, when I lived in NJ … I had a root canal done on one of my first molars (#14, for those in the know). This not having been my first root canal, I knew what to expect, and all went well for about five years.
Then … oh joy, oh rapture … it got infected. Have you ever had an infected tooth? OUCH!! There’s no place for your face to swell. It started out as this funny little maybe tooth-ache, but only when I bit down hard. A good friend insisted I go to the dentist immediately (having experienced her own tooth infection recently).
I went, and he confirmed that puppy was infected (perhaps having to peel me off the ceiling when he “tested” the sensitivity of the tooth in question was an indication of potential problem), so maxed me out on antibiotics and vicodin. “WOW!!” is all I can say about my first experience with vicodin. Did you know it’s not a pain killer? I didn’t! I was amazed by this little pill … it didn’t make the pain go away, I just didn’t care! How does that happen?!?
Anyway, after the course of antibiotics my dentist (the same one who had done the original root canal … back then your “regular” dentist used to do the work, not refer you out) re-did the root canal. He said he discovered some “live root” that must have “re-grown” after the initial work. Really? Mer.
In any case, Dr. Doesn’t-Know-His-Ass-From-His-Elbow performed his/my tooth’s second root canal through the crown. The very expensive crown. The crown that made it look like a perfect tooth that had never had work. The crown that protected the tooth from future harm. The crown that my insurance would not replace, and that I was too nice (back then) to force Dr. DKHAFHE to replace out of his own damned pocket, expense-wise.
Fast forward two years. I now live in MO. The very same tooth is infected … again. Sigh. I go to a new dentist, who insists it is impossible for a tooth that has had a root canal to get infected. Even after I explained everything; she couldn’t see anything on the ex-ray, and made it perfectly clear she was simply humoring me with a prescription of antibiotics. Which, thankfully, cleared up the infection.
Move ahead three more years. That very same $!#@&%\ tooth is infected AGAIN!! I drag my sorry ass to yet another dentist, Dr. Eager-to-Please, who takes one look in my mouth, runs up a couple ex-rays, prescribes mega-antibiotics, and refers me to an endodontist, like, yesterday (I really like this new dentist!).
Dr. Sexy-Young-Endodontist (bonus!!) is flabbergasted when he looks at the ex-rays, takes some of his own, and shows me my mouth on a computer screen (no looking at dinky little 1.5” squares for him!). He cannot believe the damage done to my alveolar process and palatine bones, which are full of holes made by the numerous repeated infections. Holes which make my face extremely unstable (insert dumbass joke here ... go ahead, you know you want to). Holes which would allow my cheek to disintegrate if I were hit in the face with … oh, I don’t know … anything!
He tells me I’ve had far more than three infections in there, and probably lost feeling at some point. He also confirms I have four roots on the tooth in question, and Dr. DKHAFHE missed the entire extra root not once, but both times he did a root canal on that tooth. Also, Dr. SYE questioned the possibility that any “live root” could have “re-grown” after the initial work.
So, Dr. SYE has to perform the third root canal on this tooth. And clean up the gross infection around it, which mostly consisted of necrotic tissue. Yeah, that’s right! I had dead tissue in me!! Eeeeeew, gross!! But it’s done, and two rounds of antibiotics later, all is well that ends well … or is it?
Sort of ... the effing crown has come off twice since then, and the last time (a year or so ago), Dr. ETP advised me there was precious little post left to re-attach the crown, and next time ... because there certainly will be a next time ... we'll not be able to put it back. And that's the case. Crown came off Friday night as I was brushing before night-nights, and now I have to have the root system removed and either bridgework or an implant. I just know I'll have a full set of dentures in my q-tip years.
In any case, it was these repeated infections of #14 that allowed that bastard Ray to get his foot in my door, and he has been kicking my ass in one way or another these almost five years since. Most recently was yesterday. I had my quarterly check-up Friday (quarterly to ensure no med-related liver damage has cropped up). They invariably result in a phone call within a couple days telling me my blood test results are in and I’m good to continue with my meds. But yesterday I got the message that my blood test results were in and I needed to call the doctor.
What!?!?! Why!?!? What is it?!?!? Is my liver failing?? Do I have (gasp!) "funny" cell growth?? I don’t know … because it’s after 5pm and no one will answer the effing phone!!! I can’t tell Mom, my usual sounding board, because she and Dad are on vacation and like hell am I going to rain on that parade. WAH! But I thought I was in remission!! Last time I was thisclose to remission, and Dr. Awesome (my bastard Ray doctor) said if my results this time and next are the same, then it’s official and I’m in remission. In fact, we’ll titrate down on bastard Ray meds in that case. Woo to the Hoo!!
But this … this … this message!!! Erk, I had to wait until today. So, the first time I call I’m put on hold almost ten minutes before I have to hang up and go to a meeting. Second time I call no one ever answers (it’s a busy office). Third time’s the charm: I get through and don’t have to wait long. My worries are (almost) for naught! Sigh of relief. I am most certainly not in remission, but also not having any liver/cell issues … just a re-elevated sed rate, which means no titrating back on the bastard Ray meds for now.
But lest you fret: I will go into remission, and I will titrate down on these frigging bastard Ray meds, and we will all live happily ever after. It will just be a little while longer. Patience, patience.
Then … oh joy, oh rapture … it got infected. Have you ever had an infected tooth? OUCH!! There’s no place for your face to swell. It started out as this funny little maybe tooth-ache, but only when I bit down hard. A good friend insisted I go to the dentist immediately (having experienced her own tooth infection recently).
I went, and he confirmed that puppy was infected (perhaps having to peel me off the ceiling when he “tested” the sensitivity of the tooth in question was an indication of potential problem), so maxed me out on antibiotics and vicodin. “WOW!!” is all I can say about my first experience with vicodin. Did you know it’s not a pain killer? I didn’t! I was amazed by this little pill … it didn’t make the pain go away, I just didn’t care! How does that happen?!?
Anyway, after the course of antibiotics my dentist (the same one who had done the original root canal … back then your “regular” dentist used to do the work, not refer you out) re-did the root canal. He said he discovered some “live root” that must have “re-grown” after the initial work. Really? Mer.
In any case, Dr. Doesn’t-Know-His-Ass-From-His-Elbow performed his/my tooth’s second root canal through the crown. The very expensive crown. The crown that made it look like a perfect tooth that had never had work. The crown that protected the tooth from future harm. The crown that my insurance would not replace, and that I was too nice (back then) to force Dr. DKHAFHE to replace out of his own damned pocket, expense-wise.
Fast forward two years. I now live in MO. The very same tooth is infected … again. Sigh. I go to a new dentist, who insists it is impossible for a tooth that has had a root canal to get infected. Even after I explained everything; she couldn’t see anything on the ex-ray, and made it perfectly clear she was simply humoring me with a prescription of antibiotics. Which, thankfully, cleared up the infection.
Move ahead three more years. That very same $!#@&%\ tooth is infected AGAIN!! I drag my sorry ass to yet another dentist, Dr. Eager-to-Please, who takes one look in my mouth, runs up a couple ex-rays, prescribes mega-antibiotics, and refers me to an endodontist, like, yesterday (I really like this new dentist!).
Dr. Sexy-Young-Endodontist (bonus!!) is flabbergasted when he looks at the ex-rays, takes some of his own, and shows me my mouth on a computer screen (no looking at dinky little 1.5” squares for him!). He cannot believe the damage done to my alveolar process and palatine bones, which are full of holes made by the numerous repeated infections. Holes which make my face extremely unstable (insert dumbass joke here ... go ahead, you know you want to). Holes which would allow my cheek to disintegrate if I were hit in the face with … oh, I don’t know … anything!
He tells me I’ve had far more than three infections in there, and probably lost feeling at some point. He also confirms I have four roots on the tooth in question, and Dr. DKHAFHE missed the entire extra root not once, but both times he did a root canal on that tooth. Also, Dr. SYE questioned the possibility that any “live root” could have “re-grown” after the initial work.
So, Dr. SYE has to perform the third root canal on this tooth. And clean up the gross infection around it, which mostly consisted of necrotic tissue. Yeah, that’s right! I had dead tissue in me!! Eeeeeew, gross!! But it’s done, and two rounds of antibiotics later, all is well that ends well … or is it?
Sort of ... the effing crown has come off twice since then, and the last time (a year or so ago), Dr. ETP advised me there was precious little post left to re-attach the crown, and next time ... because there certainly will be a next time ... we'll not be able to put it back. And that's the case. Crown came off Friday night as I was brushing before night-nights, and now I have to have the root system removed and either bridgework or an implant. I just know I'll have a full set of dentures in my q-tip years.
In any case, it was these repeated infections of #14 that allowed that bastard Ray to get his foot in my door, and he has been kicking my ass in one way or another these almost five years since. Most recently was yesterday. I had my quarterly check-up Friday (quarterly to ensure no med-related liver damage has cropped up). They invariably result in a phone call within a couple days telling me my blood test results are in and I’m good to continue with my meds. But yesterday I got the message that my blood test results were in and I needed to call the doctor.
What!?!?! Why!?!? What is it?!?!? Is my liver failing?? Do I have (gasp!) "funny" cell growth?? I don’t know … because it’s after 5pm and no one will answer the effing phone!!! I can’t tell Mom, my usual sounding board, because she and Dad are on vacation and like hell am I going to rain on that parade. WAH! But I thought I was in remission!! Last time I was thisclose to remission, and Dr. Awesome (my bastard Ray doctor) said if my results this time and next are the same, then it’s official and I’m in remission. In fact, we’ll titrate down on bastard Ray meds in that case. Woo to the Hoo!!
But this … this … this message!!! Erk, I had to wait until today. So, the first time I call I’m put on hold almost ten minutes before I have to hang up and go to a meeting. Second time I call no one ever answers (it’s a busy office). Third time’s the charm: I get through and don’t have to wait long. My worries are (almost) for naught! Sigh of relief. I am most certainly not in remission, but also not having any liver/cell issues … just a re-elevated sed rate, which means no titrating back on the bastard Ray meds for now.
But lest you fret: I will go into remission, and I will titrate down on these frigging bastard Ray meds, and we will all live happily ever after. It will just be a little while longer. Patience, patience.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Goodbye, My Friend
After an exceptionally sad turn of events a good man has died today, and I am torn. This past (almost) year has been a nightmare of cancer and hospitalization and chemo and strength of will and character, with the ever present deterioration of health, worsening of pain, and erosion of hope.
I am torn because I remember before he was ill: laughing at the shenanigans at work, wearing jeans on Fridays, little pot belly hanging out, racing through the plant getting things done, yelling at the guys when they were slacking off, sharing funny tales of peers and associates, eating junk food, questioning stupidity with a bewildered how-hard-can-it-be “Right? Huh? You know what I mean?” The man was literally the lifeblood of the place … we all knew that if anything happened to him we’d be in trouble. I'd love to have him back.
I am torn because I remember when we first realized his pain was serious (his legs went right out from under him a couple times; if the guys hadn't been nearby to catch him he'd have hit the floor), and its steady progression, and the shock of hearing his initial doctor’s visit resulted in immediate hospitalization and surgery. I remember when he returned to work weeks later with a walker, in physical therapy, because the surgery had removed a tumor on his spine and now there was nerve damage. He used a walker for what became the rest of his life.
I am torn because when he first returned to work from surgery he was in such high spirits: the absence of pain was that good. He knew he had cancer, was in treatment, but was all smiles because it simply did not hurt anymore. He told stories of the drill sergeant mentality of his therapists, who just wanted the best for him but, man, were they tough!
I am torn because that first chemo didn’t work, nor the next, nor the one after that; he got thinner and thinner, and eventually the pain returned. Gone was the little pot belly, then every extra ounce of fat … he became the most emaciated person I’ve ever actually known. All his clothes were too big and cinched in tight. His skin wasn't loose the way it is when one loses weight on a diet … it simply tightened up like his body was burning away every bit of excess there was. He became gaunt and his skin took on the likeness of tissue paper, with a pale greenish gray cast.
I went on vacation the 1st week of February, but my last day before I did I picked up a super soft throw pillow for him to sit on, because he had so wasted away that even his cushioned executive's chair caused him pain. I will never forget the difficulty he had standing while I slipped the pillow under him, nor way he sounded when he sighed as he sat down and thanked me for it. I had a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. I only wished I had picked it up for him sooner.
That was the last time I saw him … he was hospitalized again while I was on vacation, and when I returned he was still in the hospital. He went home to hospice care last week, and his brother notified us that he has passed today, with services most likely Monday.
Just a few days ago as I drove to work Coldplay’s Viva la Vida played, and I burst into tears, thinking of him. I’ve heard the song since (one of the guys even sang it on American Idol last night), and every time I cry. From now on, a least for the time being, this will be his song, because that’s how it speaks to me:
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
I’d been conversing lately, asking for one of two things: if it isn't in Your plans to give him a miracle and cure him, then take him Home as soon as he’s ready. Well, he was ready today. I am heart sore for his loved ones, but I truly do believe he is in a better place. I will miss him; I think more than even I can imagine right now.
So now as I sit here downing my package of Pepperidge Farms Mint Milano cookies (I may just finish the whole thing), I think how fitting is this poem by Mary Frye:
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.
And, finally, I bellow the words of Seether, because when I do I feel better; they affirm my belief in God, “Take the light, and darken everything around me. Call the clouds, and listen closely; I'm lost without You … I call Your name every day, when I seem so helpless; I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt.”
Goodbye, my friend … I will miss you.
I am torn because I remember before he was ill: laughing at the shenanigans at work, wearing jeans on Fridays, little pot belly hanging out, racing through the plant getting things done, yelling at the guys when they were slacking off, sharing funny tales of peers and associates, eating junk food, questioning stupidity with a bewildered how-hard-can-it-be “Right? Huh? You know what I mean?” The man was literally the lifeblood of the place … we all knew that if anything happened to him we’d be in trouble. I'd love to have him back.
I am torn because I remember when we first realized his pain was serious (his legs went right out from under him a couple times; if the guys hadn't been nearby to catch him he'd have hit the floor), and its steady progression, and the shock of hearing his initial doctor’s visit resulted in immediate hospitalization and surgery. I remember when he returned to work weeks later with a walker, in physical therapy, because the surgery had removed a tumor on his spine and now there was nerve damage. He used a walker for what became the rest of his life.
I am torn because when he first returned to work from surgery he was in such high spirits: the absence of pain was that good. He knew he had cancer, was in treatment, but was all smiles because it simply did not hurt anymore. He told stories of the drill sergeant mentality of his therapists, who just wanted the best for him but, man, were they tough!
I am torn because that first chemo didn’t work, nor the next, nor the one after that; he got thinner and thinner, and eventually the pain returned. Gone was the little pot belly, then every extra ounce of fat … he became the most emaciated person I’ve ever actually known. All his clothes were too big and cinched in tight. His skin wasn't loose the way it is when one loses weight on a diet … it simply tightened up like his body was burning away every bit of excess there was. He became gaunt and his skin took on the likeness of tissue paper, with a pale greenish gray cast.
I went on vacation the 1st week of February, but my last day before I did I picked up a super soft throw pillow for him to sit on, because he had so wasted away that even his cushioned executive's chair caused him pain. I will never forget the difficulty he had standing while I slipped the pillow under him, nor way he sounded when he sighed as he sat down and thanked me for it. I had a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. I only wished I had picked it up for him sooner.
That was the last time I saw him … he was hospitalized again while I was on vacation, and when I returned he was still in the hospital. He went home to hospice care last week, and his brother notified us that he has passed today, with services most likely Monday.
Just a few days ago as I drove to work Coldplay’s Viva la Vida played, and I burst into tears, thinking of him. I’ve heard the song since (one of the guys even sang it on American Idol last night), and every time I cry. From now on, a least for the time being, this will be his song, because that’s how it speaks to me:
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
I’d been conversing lately, asking for one of two things: if it isn't in Your plans to give him a miracle and cure him, then take him Home as soon as he’s ready. Well, he was ready today. I am heart sore for his loved ones, but I truly do believe he is in a better place. I will miss him; I think more than even I can imagine right now.
So now as I sit here downing my package of Pepperidge Farms Mint Milano cookies (I may just finish the whole thing), I think how fitting is this poem by Mary Frye:
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die.
And, finally, I bellow the words of Seether, because when I do I feel better; they affirm my belief in God, “Take the light, and darken everything around me. Call the clouds, and listen closely; I'm lost without You … I call Your name every day, when I seem so helpless; I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt.”
Goodbye, my friend … I will miss you.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Dichotomy (dī-kŏt'ə-mē) (dahy-kot-uh-mee)
The Players:
Michael Phelps - 23, U.S. swimmer, 14-time Olympic champion, has more Olympic gold than any other athlete. World Swimmer of the Year 2003-2004 and 2006-2008, American Swimmer of the Year 2001-2004 and 2006-2008. Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year 2008. Has millions in endorsements with such companies as Speedo, Mazda, Omega, and VISA. Announced the Michael Phelps Foundation with a bang by donating the million dollar bonus he received from Speedo for his Olympic performance. Diagnosed as a child with ADHD, and took up swimming as an energy release and focus aid. Got a DUI at the age of 19.
Tom Daschle - 61, Democrat, spent four terms in House of Representatives 1979-1987, former U.S. Senator (D-SD) 1987-2005, U.S. Senate Majority Leader 2001-2003, co-author of “Critical: What We Can Do About the Health-Care Crisis” about health care reform, nominated by President Obama to be the Secretary of Health & Human Services.
Under Fire:
Phelps - Currently under fire for a photo depicting him taking a bong hit.
Daschle - Currently under fire for: 1) failure to pay, among other things and due to “unintentional oversight”, $128,000 in taxes for a private car and driver, even after he had it researched by his accountant; and 2) huge financial ties to big dogs in the health care industry to the tune of over four million dollars.
The Scrutiny:
Phelps - The media, that bastion of the old bait-and-switch, is toying with the idea that Phelps should lose his endorsements, but why should he? The companies backing him claim this is a non-issue, as it should be. Let’s not forget the coveted 18-24 year old demographic doesn’t take issue with pot (nor, for the most part, do many other demographics), it can even be said this episode may make Phelps more relatable (e.g., bankable).
During this age of instant information and precious little privacy there are few who are unaware most top-level Olympic athletes live very different lives than the rest of us, and with the amount of public scrutiny Phelps underwent before, during, and after the 2008 Summer Olympics there can’t be many left who think his formative years were even remotely similar to theirs (or their children’s).
While I understand holding role models to a higher standard, it infuriates me that the media, and people in general, insist on calling anyone a role model who may move the news. Where are all the stories of a-day-in-the-life? Why do we only hear about these supposed “role models” when they’ve done something “wrong”? Isn’t a true role model the person one wishes to emulate or aspires to be because s/he has what one wants (e.g., skill, talent, lifestyle, abilities), and if so, doesn’t that include the entire package?
A kid who dedicates his young adulthood to acquiring and maintaining the skills to be the very best at a physically demanding sport does not spend much of that time experiencing the social interactions of his/her counterparts (e.g.,partying). Of course he’s going to cut loose later!
Daschle - There is absolutely no excuse for any U.S. politician to have any tax issues whatsoever, in any way, shape, or form. Every politician should be held to the highest standard imaginable in these regards, period.
Yes, Daschle may have been left holding the proverbial tax bag once Timothy Geithner was confirmed Treasury Secretary after having cleared up his own little tax debacle but really, how can anyone possibly justify three (this includes Nancy Killefer, who was nominated to oversee budget and spending reform) serving politicians with tax problems allowing themselves to be nominated for key positions? And these are just the three we know about. Does anyone else see the irony here? We’re to entrust our nation’s finances to people who can’t handle their own finances responsibly?
The Bottom Line:
Phelps - Since when do we care about a kid smoking pot? In this instance I say let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Otherwise shut the hell up and get over your bad self.
Daschle - If he doesn’t withdraw on his own, President Obama should do it for him. With the lack of trust the U.S. currently has for leadership it is not important to always be right, but rather to admit when wrong and take corrective action.
Of course, half my aggravation/point is kind of moot now, seeing as Daschle has just withdrawn his name, with President Obama’s support, from the nomination …
Michael Phelps - 23, U.S. swimmer, 14-time Olympic champion, has more Olympic gold than any other athlete. World Swimmer of the Year 2003-2004 and 2006-2008, American Swimmer of the Year 2001-2004 and 2006-2008. Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year 2008. Has millions in endorsements with such companies as Speedo, Mazda, Omega, and VISA. Announced the Michael Phelps Foundation with a bang by donating the million dollar bonus he received from Speedo for his Olympic performance. Diagnosed as a child with ADHD, and took up swimming as an energy release and focus aid. Got a DUI at the age of 19.
Tom Daschle - 61, Democrat, spent four terms in House of Representatives 1979-1987, former U.S. Senator (D-SD) 1987-2005, U.S. Senate Majority Leader 2001-2003, co-author of “Critical: What We Can Do About the Health-Care Crisis” about health care reform, nominated by President Obama to be the Secretary of Health & Human Services.
Under Fire:
Phelps - Currently under fire for a photo depicting him taking a bong hit.
Daschle - Currently under fire for: 1) failure to pay, among other things and due to “unintentional oversight”, $128,000 in taxes for a private car and driver, even after he had it researched by his accountant; and 2) huge financial ties to big dogs in the health care industry to the tune of over four million dollars.
The Scrutiny:
Phelps - The media, that bastion of the old bait-and-switch, is toying with the idea that Phelps should lose his endorsements, but why should he? The companies backing him claim this is a non-issue, as it should be. Let’s not forget the coveted 18-24 year old demographic doesn’t take issue with pot (nor, for the most part, do many other demographics), it can even be said this episode may make Phelps more relatable (e.g., bankable).
During this age of instant information and precious little privacy there are few who are unaware most top-level Olympic athletes live very different lives than the rest of us, and with the amount of public scrutiny Phelps underwent before, during, and after the 2008 Summer Olympics there can’t be many left who think his formative years were even remotely similar to theirs (or their children’s).
While I understand holding role models to a higher standard, it infuriates me that the media, and people in general, insist on calling anyone a role model who may move the news. Where are all the stories of a-day-in-the-life? Why do we only hear about these supposed “role models” when they’ve done something “wrong”? Isn’t a true role model the person one wishes to emulate or aspires to be because s/he has what one wants (e.g., skill, talent, lifestyle, abilities), and if so, doesn’t that include the entire package?
A kid who dedicates his young adulthood to acquiring and maintaining the skills to be the very best at a physically demanding sport does not spend much of that time experiencing the social interactions of his/her counterparts (e.g.,partying). Of course he’s going to cut loose later!
Daschle - There is absolutely no excuse for any U.S. politician to have any tax issues whatsoever, in any way, shape, or form. Every politician should be held to the highest standard imaginable in these regards, period.
Yes, Daschle may have been left holding the proverbial tax bag once Timothy Geithner was confirmed Treasury Secretary after having cleared up his own little tax debacle but really, how can anyone possibly justify three (this includes Nancy Killefer, who was nominated to oversee budget and spending reform) serving politicians with tax problems allowing themselves to be nominated for key positions? And these are just the three we know about. Does anyone else see the irony here? We’re to entrust our nation’s finances to people who can’t handle their own finances responsibly?
The Bottom Line:
Phelps - Since when do we care about a kid smoking pot? In this instance I say let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Otherwise shut the hell up and get over your bad self.
Daschle - If he doesn’t withdraw on his own, President Obama should do it for him. With the lack of trust the U.S. currently has for leadership it is not important to always be right, but rather to admit when wrong and take corrective action.
Of course, half my aggravation/point is kind of moot now, seeing as Daschle has just withdrawn his name, with President Obama’s support, from the nomination …
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Dimitri Martin Makes Me Laugh
Raising your voice; the next best thing to being right.
Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
P / M + F = S - 1 = BS (Pizza divided by Me and my Friends equals one Slice less than I want, which is BullShit!)
I want to buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Saying "I apologize" is the same as saying "I'm sorry". Except at a funeral.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says "Go outside!"
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.
I used to play sports.
Then I realized you can buy trophies.
Now I’m good at everything.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen.
And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter.
And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry.
And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color … person?"
What do you call someone who can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Fat.
"Hot Potato" would be a much more different game if the people playing it were starving. Then it could be called "My Potato".
I think they named oranges before they named carrots.
"What are these?"
"Those are oranges."
"Then what are these?"
"Oh, shit. Long pointies?"
The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, prepare to have it on you forever because glitter doesn’t go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. It’s like, oh great here comes the sun; flare up!
I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward, at regular speed.
I like the game rock paper scissors, but two-thirds.
Like Rock beats Scissors. "Oh man, these scissors are all bent, I can't cut with them, you win."
Or Scissors beats Paper. "This paper is cut into strips, it’s useless, I can't write on it, you win."
Then, Paper beats Rock ... Rock is fine! There is no structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper whenever it wants. Paper sucks.
It should be Rock, Explosives with a Cuttable Wick, Scissors.
I saw a transvestite wearing a shirt that said "Guess".
If you want to make your own mythical creature all you have to do is add wings. A horse becomes a Pegasis. A lion becomes a griffin. And a hawk becomes ... a double hawk, "I’m awkward".
Cottonwool balls is an example of something I would buy, but not like to have as a nickname.
Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and like to have as a nickname.
People would be like, "Are you Cinnamon Buns?", and I would be like, "You bet your sweet ass!"
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
I like to use "I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter" on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. "How was breakfast?" "Unbelievable."
A lot of people don’t like bumper stickers. I don’t mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It’s like a little sign that says "Hey, let’s never hang out."
game set match = tennis
set match run = arson
This summer I learned that there’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool.
I’m in a weird situation because I like rainbows ... but I’m not gay. So, I wear a rainbow on my shirt - but then under it, it says “not gay”. But I’m not against gay people, so under that I have to put “but supportive”. I just think its weird that one group took refracted light. That’s preeetty greedy, gays.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, that sounds like a fair trade, especially if they’re crappy kids.
If i ever have to go up in a building I choose the elevator over the escalator, because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs ... for an hour and a half.
I think they should put pies on the front of trains, because then if it hits someone it’s at least a little bit funny.
I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na’s are on this thing? ‘Cause I’m like "Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn."
I saw a door onetime that said "Exit Only". So I entered it, and I went up to the guy working there and said, "I have some good news. You have severely underestimated this door here. By like 100%, man."
Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
P / M + F = S - 1 = BS (Pizza divided by Me and my Friends equals one Slice less than I want, which is BullShit!)
I want to buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Saying "I apologize" is the same as saying "I'm sorry". Except at a funeral.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says "Go outside!"
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.
I used to play sports.
Then I realized you can buy trophies.
Now I’m good at everything.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen.
And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter.
And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry.
And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color … person?"
What do you call someone who can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Fat.
"Hot Potato" would be a much more different game if the people playing it were starving. Then it could be called "My Potato".
I think they named oranges before they named carrots.
"What are these?"
"Those are oranges."
"Then what are these?"
"Oh, shit. Long pointies?"
The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, prepare to have it on you forever because glitter doesn’t go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. It’s like, oh great here comes the sun; flare up!
I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward, at regular speed.
I like the game rock paper scissors, but two-thirds.
Like Rock beats Scissors. "Oh man, these scissors are all bent, I can't cut with them, you win."
Or Scissors beats Paper. "This paper is cut into strips, it’s useless, I can't write on it, you win."
Then, Paper beats Rock ... Rock is fine! There is no structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper whenever it wants. Paper sucks.
It should be Rock, Explosives with a Cuttable Wick, Scissors.
I saw a transvestite wearing a shirt that said "Guess".
If you want to make your own mythical creature all you have to do is add wings. A horse becomes a Pegasis. A lion becomes a griffin. And a hawk becomes ... a double hawk, "I’m awkward".
Cottonwool balls is an example of something I would buy, but not like to have as a nickname.
Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and like to have as a nickname.
People would be like, "Are you Cinnamon Buns?", and I would be like, "You bet your sweet ass!"
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
I like to use "I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter" on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. "How was breakfast?" "Unbelievable."
A lot of people don’t like bumper stickers. I don’t mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It’s like a little sign that says "Hey, let’s never hang out."
game set match = tennis
set match run = arson
This summer I learned that there’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool.
I’m in a weird situation because I like rainbows ... but I’m not gay. So, I wear a rainbow on my shirt - but then under it, it says “not gay”. But I’m not against gay people, so under that I have to put “but supportive”. I just think its weird that one group took refracted light. That’s preeetty greedy, gays.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, that sounds like a fair trade, especially if they’re crappy kids.
If i ever have to go up in a building I choose the elevator over the escalator, because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs ... for an hour and a half.
I think they should put pies on the front of trains, because then if it hits someone it’s at least a little bit funny.
I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na’s are on this thing? ‘Cause I’m like "Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn."
I saw a door onetime that said "Exit Only". So I entered it, and I went up to the guy working there and said, "I have some good news. You have severely underestimated this door here. By like 100%, man."
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
But … When Did I Become a Grup?!
Got a speeding ticket tonight … from a child! If I'd have seen him on the street he’d have been hard-pressed to convince me he was out of high school yet. I’m I little bummed that he called me ma’am … I think it was due to my age! WAH!! I comfort myself that he’s been coached to call all the ladies “ma’am” … but still. Apparently I am too old for this shit.
He laughed out loud when I admitted, “Dude, you nailed me!” I guess these guys get a ration of shit more often than not. There’s not much use for it when my only excuse for speeding is that I am behind the wheel!
It’s funny, because I’ve been waiting for the pissed-at-myself to kick in for the speeding ticket, but guess what? I’m not mad. I deserved the ticket. I earned that ticket! I am the first and last to admit that I love to drive fast. It’s exhilarating to move.
I like to move it, move it (brief musical interlude).
But tickets here are weird … back home its written right on the ticket how much you’ll have to pay, and how many points you’ll get. Not so much out here. My young officer advised me I’ll be notified via mail within the next couple weeks.
So I tried to Google the information, but no matter how I searched I got pages (and pages) of websites advertising lawyers offering to “help” me. Further proof some people will do anything to not be held accountable for their actions. I finally got tired of looking; I’ll wait for the snail-mail notice.
Oh, and I was talking to some guys at work, and in the course of the discussion one exclaimed with vigor, about President Obama, “He’s not my President!”. Which floored me. Really? Really?!?! How lame. Are you a U.S. citizen? What an effing stupid thing to say! I know, I know, the right to free speech and all, but really? C’mon! Of course he’s your president! He may not have been your choice, but it’s now a done deal, and he's the Chief.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Well That Sucked …
The day started out okay but ended up sucking worse than a thick shake through a thin straw. Right off the bat I slept too late, not because I snoozed through my alarm, but because I set it for PM instead of AM (idiot!).
Then I forgot to stop at the bank on my way into work (which didn’t really bother me all that much … I was gabbing with Mom on the phone). Easy fix; I’ll just stop tomorrow morning.
Then I thoroughly harassed a couple of the guys once I got to the plant … that was great fun … they just spent a few days in Orlando, FL as guests of one of our vendors at their big annual shindig. Losers! And I say that with utmost jealousy … I’d have skipped the seminars (except the one where Mike Rowe spoke … you know how I love Deadliest Catch) and ridden it out at Disney!
Then I talked to HR briefly for G, who was downsized Tuesday (have I mentioned this economy SUCKS?).
Then we were all called into a meeting only to be told one of our people was downsized today … I mean, he was there this morning and gone this afternoon. And he’s dedicated years to this place. The general consensus is shitfuckdamnpissandhell. So we’re all bummed.
I know the media says this “economic downturn” is going to really screw with all aspects of life as we know it, but I never truly expected to actually know people who were impacted. The last time it was this bad was in the 70's, for crying out loud! And Mom and Dad never let us kids know how bad it really was.
Anyway, while feeling horrible about my friends’ situations, I think what sucks most is that little voice in the back of my head that says, “knock wood …”
And I know this is nit-picking, but puhleeze tell me you see the humor in the fact that one of President Obama's first official actions, after advising all and sundry of his intent to make government less secretive and more transparent, was to re-take his oath, in secret (psst! over here!), in the Oval Office?
Yes, yes ... I know why he did it, it even makes sense; I'm just saying ... funny!
Then I forgot to stop at the bank on my way into work (which didn’t really bother me all that much … I was gabbing with Mom on the phone). Easy fix; I’ll just stop tomorrow morning.
Then I thoroughly harassed a couple of the guys once I got to the plant … that was great fun … they just spent a few days in Orlando, FL as guests of one of our vendors at their big annual shindig. Losers! And I say that with utmost jealousy … I’d have skipped the seminars (except the one where Mike Rowe spoke … you know how I love Deadliest Catch) and ridden it out at Disney!
Then I talked to HR briefly for G, who was downsized Tuesday (have I mentioned this economy SUCKS?).
Then we were all called into a meeting only to be told one of our people was downsized today … I mean, he was there this morning and gone this afternoon. And he’s dedicated years to this place. The general consensus is shitfuckdamnpissandhell. So we’re all bummed.
I know the media says this “economic downturn” is going to really screw with all aspects of life as we know it, but I never truly expected to actually know people who were impacted. The last time it was this bad was in the 70's, for crying out loud! And Mom and Dad never let us kids know how bad it really was.
Anyway, while feeling horrible about my friends’ situations, I think what sucks most is that little voice in the back of my head that says, “knock wood …”
And I know this is nit-picking, but puhleeze tell me you see the humor in the fact that one of President Obama's first official actions, after advising all and sundry of his intent to make government less secretive and more transparent, was to re-take his oath, in secret (psst! over here!), in the Oval Office?
Yes, yes ... I know why he did it, it even makes sense; I'm just saying ... funny!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My Joey
My entire life never once did I imagine I’d measure the success or failure of a day based on the size and consistency of cat poo, but here I am, doing just that. I’m at the tail-end of a years-long relationship with a wonderful little dude who has been just a big lug of love and affection longer than I care to remember. And while I can say with moderate certainty that those who are non-pet owned may be able to empathize, it is those with a furry member of the family (or two, or four) who can truly sympathize.
I’ve had a few furry family members over the years, and have a bunch now, but none have been around as long as my Joseph William, AKA Guiseppe Guillermo, who just celebrated his 16th Christmas. Well, not really – Joey’s never “celebrated” a holiday in his life; he’s a cat, for crying out loud! But you get my point: I don’t really remember not having Joey around. He’s lived with me in RI, NJ, RI again, and now MO. Aside from my human family, he’s been the biggest constant in my life.
And he’s always enjoyed robust health, until recently. I got Ben and Joey in the Spring of 1992, when they were just 8 weeks old (they were litter mates), and they were solid, but small. Well, that changed quickly. By year end they were huge. Not just big, but giant. These bruisers grew into the biggest cats I’d ever seen … I don’t mean fat, I’ve seen plenty of fat cats, but the two of them weighed in over 20lbs each, without an ounce of extra fat on them, and each was polydactyl on both front paws.
They were just behemoths with these giant mitts, galloping through the house at breakneck speed, crashing into (formerly) stationary objects with complete abandon. They were so big they couldn’t corner well at high speeds, so used walls and furniture (and sometimes people) as bumpers. My downstairs neighbors everywhere we lived used to comment on it. Just jumping off the bed caused a thud that reverberated. I’m lucky they had such great personalities, far more like dogs than cats, because friends and neighbors loved them.
They’d run to answer the door, and vocalize until they’d received the requisite pampering before scampering off to play. When I’d have game nights there was no hiding under the bed for these boys … they were right there in the thick of things, demanding attention and making off with the game pieces of the unwary. They were tremendous fun, and whenever I brought a new cat home, as I sometimes did, there was no howling crazy free-for-all establishing territories … they just absorbed the newbie and that was it.
But Benny passed almost 6 years ago of thyroid cancer, and it broke my heart. He melted down to 11lbs in less than three months, and just could not keep the weight on, and I’m afraid the same is now happening to Joe. While he still looks fairly large, all it takes is a petting session to see the truth: I feel every ridge of his spine, and his shoulder and hip bones. His legs are sticks covered in fur, and when I rub his forehead and between his eyes (his favorite pastime) my fingers read his skull like it’s delivering a message in Braille. And when I pick him up, I no longer have to set myself to balance his weight … he feels light as a feather.
At first I was very upset. I thought, “I can’t do this again.” I was ready to stamp my feet in a temper tantrum reminiscent of my niece at the mall (that was a nightmare!). But I’ve since calmed down. Joey’s lived a great life, and been a terrific blessing to me, and I owe him the absolute best twilight I can give him. So I’ve instituted some changes that Joey greatly enjoys: 1) he now gets first dibs on canned food twice daily (he’s got precious few teeth left, and generally falls asleep in the midst of happily gumming dry food); 2) he has three bowls of water in various locations that get changed out twice daily (he’s always been a lazy drinker and still lies down next to the bowl to lap from a reclining position); and 3) he determines who has access to me.
This last change Joey’s enjoying a great deal: if the labs (Boogie and Kaia) are too rambunctious, he starts up a rumbling snarl and looks at me; that’s my cue, and out go the girls. Same with Maddie, our other resident eldercat (she’s thirteen). I’m on constant watch to ensure Joey gets enough to eat and drink, and can determine that based on … yeah, you guessed it … the size and consistency of his poo. On a big poo day, I am happy as a clam: my baby’s eating.
So, this is me, judging the success or failure of a day based on the size and consistency of cat poo. All I have to say is hooray for big, solid, cat poo!!
I’ve had a few furry family members over the years, and have a bunch now, but none have been around as long as my Joseph William, AKA Guiseppe Guillermo, who just celebrated his 16th Christmas. Well, not really – Joey’s never “celebrated” a holiday in his life; he’s a cat, for crying out loud! But you get my point: I don’t really remember not having Joey around. He’s lived with me in RI, NJ, RI again, and now MO. Aside from my human family, he’s been the biggest constant in my life.
And he’s always enjoyed robust health, until recently. I got Ben and Joey in the Spring of 1992, when they were just 8 weeks old (they were litter mates), and they were solid, but small. Well, that changed quickly. By year end they were huge. Not just big, but giant. These bruisers grew into the biggest cats I’d ever seen … I don’t mean fat, I’ve seen plenty of fat cats, but the two of them weighed in over 20lbs each, without an ounce of extra fat on them, and each was polydactyl on both front paws.
They were just behemoths with these giant mitts, galloping through the house at breakneck speed, crashing into (formerly) stationary objects with complete abandon. They were so big they couldn’t corner well at high speeds, so used walls and furniture (and sometimes people) as bumpers. My downstairs neighbors everywhere we lived used to comment on it. Just jumping off the bed caused a thud that reverberated. I’m lucky they had such great personalities, far more like dogs than cats, because friends and neighbors loved them.
They’d run to answer the door, and vocalize until they’d received the requisite pampering before scampering off to play. When I’d have game nights there was no hiding under the bed for these boys … they were right there in the thick of things, demanding attention and making off with the game pieces of the unwary. They were tremendous fun, and whenever I brought a new cat home, as I sometimes did, there was no howling crazy free-for-all establishing territories … they just absorbed the newbie and that was it.
But Benny passed almost 6 years ago of thyroid cancer, and it broke my heart. He melted down to 11lbs in less than three months, and just could not keep the weight on, and I’m afraid the same is now happening to Joe. While he still looks fairly large, all it takes is a petting session to see the truth: I feel every ridge of his spine, and his shoulder and hip bones. His legs are sticks covered in fur, and when I rub his forehead and between his eyes (his favorite pastime) my fingers read his skull like it’s delivering a message in Braille. And when I pick him up, I no longer have to set myself to balance his weight … he feels light as a feather.
At first I was very upset. I thought, “I can’t do this again.” I was ready to stamp my feet in a temper tantrum reminiscent of my niece at the mall (that was a nightmare!). But I’ve since calmed down. Joey’s lived a great life, and been a terrific blessing to me, and I owe him the absolute best twilight I can give him. So I’ve instituted some changes that Joey greatly enjoys: 1) he now gets first dibs on canned food twice daily (he’s got precious few teeth left, and generally falls asleep in the midst of happily gumming dry food); 2) he has three bowls of water in various locations that get changed out twice daily (he’s always been a lazy drinker and still lies down next to the bowl to lap from a reclining position); and 3) he determines who has access to me.
This last change Joey’s enjoying a great deal: if the labs (Boogie and Kaia) are too rambunctious, he starts up a rumbling snarl and looks at me; that’s my cue, and out go the girls. Same with Maddie, our other resident eldercat (she’s thirteen). I’m on constant watch to ensure Joey gets enough to eat and drink, and can determine that based on … yeah, you guessed it … the size and consistency of his poo. On a big poo day, I am happy as a clam: my baby’s eating.
So, this is me, judging the success or failure of a day based on the size and consistency of cat poo. All I have to say is hooray for big, solid, cat poo!!
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Tao of Free Will
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about Free Will; that it is at once a great gift and yet a terrible burden (I don’t mean the freedoms that we enjoy here in the United States and the rest of the Western world, but rather the Free Will, capital “F” capital “W”, that God has seen fit to bestow upon us, His children of the linear).
Since I’m not an overtly religious person (in that I don’t wear my beliefs on my sleeve), nor do I participate much in my own organized religion (being a serenely lapsed Roman Catholic), and there is barely a handful of people with whom I discuss these things, I tend to have more of an inner dialog with the Big Guy’s various caretakers of my soul.
So my inner dialog around Free Will has gotten around to this: Free Will, after Faith, Hope, and Love, must be His fourth greatest gift, and it’s the one that packs a punch. How much faith must He have in us, to give us such a sharp pair of scissors as we run amok? What is He thinking?!? We as a breed are spectacularly unwilling to take responsibility for our own actions … witness the Twinkie Defense.
I get crazed when I read or hear about some other yahoo who has managed to screw a significant number of people in his (or her) pursuit of the (typically) almighty dollar. Lately it’s been bailed out banks that refuse to use the funds responsibly, but feel free to give ridiculous severance packages that amount to $8 million for each week (week!) employed. Really? Or how about revamping the credit card industry, but we'll just wait until June before we start. That way we can enjoy six extra months of people losing their homes and livelihoods (oh joy, oh rapture). It's enough to get my conspiracy theory tweak on.
You know, the one where there's about twelve really old, really wealthy, incredibly powerful white dudes ruling the world. Surely you've heard of it? We could, at the very least, get rid of all the lobbyists in Washington. They are ruining the world. There, I said it ... the economic plight of the world is directly due to the damage lobbyists have been allowd to do to the mores and values of our politicians. Okay, climbing down off the crazy now.
There have been great philosophical and moral debates structured solely around the meaning and causality of Free Will; “isms” have been created (such as “determinism” and “indeterminism”), and schisms have formed between groups of (otherwise fairly) reasonable people.
But to me responsible use of one’s Free Will boils down to two things: 1) do no harm to others, and 2) treat others as you would have them treat you. Now really, how hard can that be?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sigh ... I'd Like Some Snow, Please
What? Am I in the only part of the country that has no snow? C'mon!! I want a foot of snow! Now! Okay, thats out of my system (for now).When I get home for vacation I'd better see one of these babies ... almost six years of searching for the elusive Prudence Island Harbor Seal every time I go back home has yielded me nothing, I tell you ... nothing! This after fourteen years of never seeing one when I was a Bay local. Sheesh.
C'mon vacation ... c'mon vacation ... c'mon vacation. Yes! Just you wait 'til the countdown is over.
Oh, and what is the deal with media personalities telling us how old some dead celebrity would have been today if only, you know, he, she, or it weren't ... wait for it ... dead. I don't care who he, she, or it was ... there is little chance he, she, or it would be 118 today if he, she, or it weren't dead ... because ... nobody is living to be 118, you idiots! Sheesh!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A Transplant Awhile Longer ...
So I didn’t get the NJ job, nor the promotion it entailed, but I’m not bummed … go figure. Just when I had started really looking around the place and listing everything that moving back East would entail, I went and caught the Cold the Ate Pittsburgh (yep, still have it), which with my immune system makes just getting out of bed in the morning a challenge of heroic measure.
My “Go East To-Do List” got longer and longer, my cold got worse and worse, and year-end work requirements got more and more hectic until finally I shelved everything but sleeping and working (yes, this means I have whole nuther list of housekeeping to get caught up on … doh!). This would have been my first move as a homeowner and let me tell you, that ain’t easy.
Granted the buyers market is pretty good these days, but the sellers market? Not so much. So what to do and how much money would I need to put into the house in order to sell it? Too much to think about … it’s much harder than leaving an apartment! Ergo, not only am I not bummed that I didn’t get the job … truth be told, I’m a little relieved! And the guy who got the job? Really good guy who totally deserves it. Plus I get to use him as a SME for MRP … win-win!!
My “Go East To-Do List” got longer and longer, my cold got worse and worse, and year-end work requirements got more and more hectic until finally I shelved everything but sleeping and working (yes, this means I have whole nuther list of housekeeping to get caught up on … doh!). This would have been my first move as a homeowner and let me tell you, that ain’t easy.
Granted the buyers market is pretty good these days, but the sellers market? Not so much. So what to do and how much money would I need to put into the house in order to sell it? Too much to think about … it’s much harder than leaving an apartment! Ergo, not only am I not bummed that I didn’t get the job … truth be told, I’m a little relieved! And the guy who got the job? Really good guy who totally deserves it. Plus I get to use him as a SME for MRP … win-win!!
And still waaaay excited about my vacation countdown!!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Homeward Bound ...
Those friggin’ Dolphins … aaaargh!! Why, oh why couldn’t they have fallen apart last week?!?? Now I have to go and begrudge their success this season, just like eons ago (before Dan Marino) in the days when the New England/Miami rivalry matched that of the Red Sox/Yankees (for diehard Patriots fans anyway). Sigh. And I was actually gearing up to cheer Pennington on.Dadnappit, we were thisclose!!! Whew! Okay, got that out of my system ('til next year ...) ...
I (still) have the Cold That Ate Pittsburgh. If Pittsburgh could have a cold. That lasted over ten days. And counting. And devoured two perfectly good holidays. Plus a vacation day. Dang cold (or, the way I currently sound while saying it, “dag code”). But I’ve discovered the joy of Robitussin Night Time Cough, Cold, & Flu, and only wish I could take it 24/7. Sleep, glorious sleep …
Got my tickets today for vacation … WOO HOO!!! See this picture of a bell bouy in Narragansett Bay? Hah hah, that's right, baby! So I fixed my widget to count it down, thus allowing the rest of you to share in my naner-naner-boo-boo ... um, I mean happiness ... not my smug I'm-on-vacation-and-you're-not attitude by any means. Best of all? I’ll be back home for the Superbowl!! To paraphrase Birbigs, “This is why it’s perfect! This is why it’s awesome! This is why, this is why, this is why it’s p'awsome!!!”
Oh yeah, and I've decided on a New Years Resolution: my (new) zero tolerance for zero tolerance policies. I'm done with them; from NFL “rulings” to picked-on kids kicked out of school for defending themselves when the PTB fail in their responsibilities, from third strike pot-heads on 30-year junkets to larcenous politicians and businessmen on 30-month Federally (read: you and me) subsidized field trips, from hidebound “moral” majorities hiding behind flawed personal interpretations to the media feasting on and helping to create the misfortunes of "celebrities" as a given right: I. Am. Done. But I'll elaborate later in the month.
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