Friday, April 10, 2009

It Must be Spring … the Ants are Back

And I hate those little bastards. All I have to do is see one to feel them crawling all over me. Yes, I know they’re not really there, but still … turns out sometimes they are. Grrgll!

One of my “things” is that I am forever complaining about how dirty my house is and how much I have to clean it, which really isn’t true. It’s not like I wouldn’t allow friends in because it’s such a sty (although sometimes that’s exactly the case) … it’s just that with two labs and three litter boxes, it gets messy after awhile, and I absolutely do. not. enjoy. cleaning.

Which means the place is only ever spotless about once a week, and then only on those weekends I feel like cleaning the entire upstairs – which ain’t often (the downstairs can go take a hike for all I care). And in the Spring the place fills up with these teeny-tiny sugar ants that insist on crawling all over the place in search of snacks, regardless of whether there’s actually any food out.

It’s because of the rain … each Spring we get torrents of rain and the ants simply invite themselves in. Last year the neighbors on both sides had terminators out, and I think every living creature that survived the dual snuff-fest high-tailed to my place for a breath of fresh air … where they quickly discovered the dry dog and cat food stashes. Damnit.

I had a train of ants coming in the kitchen window, down the sill, along the back of the counter, down the wall to the floor, around the edge of the room (below the sliding glass doors), behind the couch (yes, there is a lovely green sofa in my giant kitchen … belongs to the girls, ‘cuz they be spoiled, in case you didn’t know), and into the plastic container that (used to) house the dry food. Then the little a-holes grabbed a chunk of food and traveled the same path in reverse. Oh joy, oh rapture.

So I ran out to the pet store and bought seal-tight containers for dog food, cat food, and bird seed (because, yes, the ant colony at the front of the house was wagon-training it under the garage door to get at the bird seed stored there). End of problem; food all secured, rainy season over, the ants (eventually) went away.

Anywho … so, turns out I’m pretty much constantly whining that I have to clean house … to such an extent that Mom must have thought the place was in ready-to-be-condemned mode before she came out (I know this because she felt it necessary to assure me repeatedly that the place is not, in fact, a pigsty). And she wondered why I was so upset about the apparently imaginary ants, because the first few days Mom was here there was nary a one to be seen (which was pretty cool, but weird, ‘cuz I knew they were lurking somewhere).

Enter rain. Yep, just a bit, and all hell breaks loose. Not really, but ant-hell? Yep. The little bastards have been running around my kitchen since. And my living room. And the bathrooms. Oh! And my bedroom! Wha?!? I’ve poisoned them. I’ve called them names. I’ve squished them … I’ve even made them write bad checks. They’re still here! Lovely.

Once I’ve done the dishes I have to go into the bathroom to check myself over in the mirror for the “clingers” that have invariably attached themselves to my shirt whilst I’ve leaned over the counter. I get back at them by killing them with extremely hot water as I wash them down the bathroom sink. BWAH HAH HAH HAH! I may be a bit too gleeful during this activity, but thems the breaks.

It appears rainy season may be coming to an end, or the nine Ortho ant traps I’ve set out are working, or some combination of the two, seeing as there were only a few ants today. I can’t wait for them to be gone, though, because all I can think is they’re crawling all over the place, traipsing miniscule specs of dirt all over my nice, clean, counters!! The little bastards.


Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Ants of all types are pretty much 24/7 down here. At least we don't get the massive rains to drive them inside.

Have you tried tossing food scraps at the front of the nests or their trails that lead to the house? Chicken bones, apple cores, etc are all things you can toss out (strategically place) to keep the ants out of the house. It really does work, old Aussie trick.

la isla d'lisa said...

You know, I never would have thought of that; bet the antz in Oz are flippin' HUGE, too. Anything I put out back will immediately be eaten by the girls, anyway, and out front the ants would have a full-on battle with the birds, who'd no doubt think it a gustational smorgasbord. May be fun after all ...

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