Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Elementary, my dear [...]

So this is blogging. Hmm. Pretty tame so far. What to say, what to say? In the words of an old friend, from those halcyon days of autograph books and summer Girl Scout Camp (the two-week sleep-away kind, thankyouverymuch), "Can't think, brain dumb, inspiration won't come; no ink, bum pen, best of wishes, Amen".

But then again, I don't need ink for a blog, so it doesn't quite fit, does it? Methinks I shall have to dwell on this a bit more.

[Who am I kidding? We all know this is just a test while I set up my page!]

This is actually an older tale, from April 25th (before the blog). I was cleaning out my e-mails and found it, so figured I'd share (again, for some of you). My local friends were checking up on me the afternoon I had a wisdom tooth removed:

You guys are silly ... and sweet ... I knew I had the best friends ever! I'm doing totally swell. I have my drugs ... mmmm ... darvocet ... and my bed ... mmmm ... pillow ... and my freakin' job calling me 8 times already this morning!
  • "Lisa, we need a clock on the 2nd floor." (Really? Now? Just can't wait 'til Monday, huh?)
  • "Lisa, how do I dial into that conference call?" (With the exact same number we use for all of them!)
  • "Lisa, do you have a copy of the dashboard on your hard drive? Because I overwrote the one on the shared drive, and now it's only one page." (Oh, man ... sigh)
  • "Lisa, do I have to dial a 9 for an outside line?" (Um, if you can't get an outside line from your desk phone, but can call me on your cell to ask why, perhaps ... and this is just a maybe here … but it's quite possible you can use your freakin' cell for the other call as well!)
  • "Lisa, do I have to go to headquarters today?" (I don't know ... do you? Do you need a secretary while we're at it?)
  • "Lisa, was yesterday's accident where Guy sliced open his hand and required stitches, pain meds, and time off an OSHA recordable?" (Now WTF do you think?!?! YES!!! YES, IT WAS!!! He went to the hospital and was treated and needs time off and pain meds!! YEEEEEEES!!)
  • And finally, "Lisa, do I need to make labels for these five items?" (Um, do we want to sell them? Then YES!)

But I'm really enjoying the darvocet, and the fact that now only one section of my mouth hurts, as opposed to the entire right side. This little gem of a tooth was vertically impacted (which is really no big deal) but also imbedded in the nerve and had a giant cavity that was making it feel like five of the bottom teeth and three of the top all had cavities at the same time, and I knew that was wrong because three of them have had root canals and shouldn’t “feel” anything. My teeth must be made of chalk or something.

Oh yeah, and this is how my “ordeal” went: they put the blood pressure cuff and finger heart-rate-beep thingy on and left me for about 20 minutes, but I made them have to keep checking on me because I quickly realized I could make the finger heart-rate-beep thingy do whatever I wanted … got it down to the 40’s, people, and up to 103. Yay, me! They finally just asked me to stop playing with it.

So the doctor comes to do the procedure, starting with knocking me out, and he’s telling me it’s goat milk, to promote calcium growth, and I’m like, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” So he sticks the syringe in my face and, sure enough, the stuff they knock you out with is white. I’m like, “Oh! Funny.” But, you know, not really.

So then he shoots it into the back of my hand, and the stuff BURNS halfway up my arm. So I tell him and he says, “Well, it shouldn’t … does it really?” Duh. So I traced the line up my arm to where it stopped burning, then I’m like, “Wow, I’m already starting to feel this.” And I’m wondering how long it’s going to take and whether I’ll snore (or pee) and, you know, typical Lisa stuff, when the tech says, “Lisa? Wake up.”

And I’m freakin’ done! WAY COOL! And I’m not sitting in a puddle, or slipped to the floor, or drooling all over. Well, I am drooling, but I’ve got a huge hunk of gauze in my mouth, so no worries. It was a strange feeling … like I was in the middle of a dream and got woken up … I couldn’t remember anything.

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